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Well, this is the first chapter of my rewrite of section two, 'The Gathering' of The Fall of the Nervii. If you read the original version, you'll note that I haven't' even covered about a page of the original, but I've written over 1200 words for this chapter alone (I'm working on the next one currently). Also, please keep in mind that this is a draft, and as such is subject to editing, changes and improvement.
Enjoy!
_ The Gathering_
Well, there really isn't much to compare here with your previous version; they are alomst completely different. I like that; this situation seems to be much better for putting Zeltar and Rothlin together than your original scene, with the raid and the murder. The old one just seem very surreal and unbelievable now, you know? I like the comraderie you set up in the beginning, that'll be good if you plan to set rothlin up as a leader anytime. I'll be interested as to how you work Taryem back into the mix.
The dialogue all flows smoothly, and although their aren't any 'sheer brilliance!' moments, I'm sure they'll show up later. Anticipation, yay.
By the way, I might continue my False Dawn series here very soon. I've finally got back into writing, and posted a short to the EV chrons today. Horrors upon horrors, I know. It's not really EV, but they can't tell the difference.
BTW: 1400 posts. Appropriate.
------------------ Sometimes it would stop raining long enough for the stars to come out. And then it was nice. - Forrest Gump Check out my (url="http://"http://www.livejournal.com/users/~celchu")blog.(/url)
(This message has been edited by Celchu (edited 12-07-2003).)