Coldstone Chronicles: story for Elven Realms

Deep in the Elven Forests. The Northern Realms.... A young elf of Seventeen pushes himself to the max trying to tap the magic of the Faery World. Frustrated and annoyed at his lack of succes, he is about to launch into his medataion, when his mentor, an Arch Mage of supreme ability, tells him to leave. "Go" he says "Go and learn the ways of war. Talk to the Forest Elder, Elril. he will help you set out on your path."

"But what about my training?" asked the boy in a slightly anxious tone.

"Your training is now in the art of war. It will aid you to attain the physical and mental skills required to advance in your quest to mastery of the magic arts."

With that the young elf stood up and left the cave where he had spent the last ten years of his life.

News quickly reached all corners of the Elven Forest about his return. A feast was held, and his familly was once again reunited.

The elven boy waited one whole year, getting accustomed to the forest again, before he decided to join the hunting party his younger brother was already a part of.

This decision he knew, would affect the rest of his life. None could have geussed his future would have been so important to all nine realms of green Terra.

(This message has been edited by moderator (edited 05-29-2002).)

Welcome to the Chronicles board, FireTemplar! Congratulations on getting a chronicle online, and welcome to the Club!

A few comments about your tale. First off, it is really way too short. You need to add more detail, increase the amount of information that the reader receives. You'll find that the work will hold your audience much better if you do. Also, just make sure the story _flows(i) a bit more smoothly. This will of course be fixed by adding more detail.:)

A nice job, FireTemplar! If you're still around, why not register for the webboards, and start posting stories on a more regular basis? You have a nice framework of a tale here, all it needs is more detail.

If you have any questions or comments, feel free to email me at andiyar@epitheisterra.com. Congrats again!

-Andiyar

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(i)"Any good that I may do here, let me do now, for I may not pass this way again"_

Hmmm...Interesting potential, but ther ar miny splling and errers gramatikal

Of course, make it longer, this seems like a little blurb that you came up with in two minutes. But nice ideas are in there, no worries. If you flesh it out a LOT, edit it carefully, and continue the story, we would have quite a great chronicle there.

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The answer to life, the universe, and everything is...42.

Now, since we all know that unregistered users rarely show up more than once, I'll direct this toward other writers instead of Fire Templar.

As the others have said, this is basically a hollow story. It has no soul, no spirit, nothing that really distinguishes it from the blurbs on the back of fantasy novels. First off, nothing special happens in this story. It is an ordinary event that the author tries to pass off as special with his words. This is an incident , not a plot. One event, as opposed to a series.

Now, unlike the others, I won't say that this should be longer. Many authors have written very good stories that are this length or shorter. Go pick up a copy of "100 Greatest Science-Fiction Short-Short Stories" edited by Asimov if you need proof. There are some gems in there. But those stories flesh out characters and situations, make you instantly feel for them in a short time.

In synopsis, make a chain of events, and give us a reason to care about your character.

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"... For in that sleep of death, what dreams may come when we have shuffled off this mortal coil must give us pause..." - Willaim Shakespeare, Hamlet

It's very rushed. You need a lot more description and detail.

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-Zaphod Beeblebrox - President of the Universe
All hail El Presidente Beeblebrox