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Abdar ran as fast as he could, jumping over obstacles in the dark forest, his mind jumbled. What had happened? Was there anything he could do about it?
As he thought about these things, his mind started to wander. His eyes were out of focus, his head numb from thinking. Suddenly, he tripped over a tree root in the ground, and went face first into a puddle of mud. He lifted his muddy face out, and tears started to pour down his cheeks. Abdar, for the first time, finally started to think about everything. Glyndir would be captured and taken to a lair, of who knew where, and it was all his fault.
Abdar smashed his fist in the ground, creating a small crater. His eyes whacked out, and made everything all black. Suddenly, a picture was forming in his mind. Abdar saw a figure, standing next to some kind of containment tube, with something floating inside. He shook his head, and the picture dissolved back into the nothingness of where it came.
Standing up on his feet, Abdar suddenly realized the grey robe he was wearing was completely filthy. He tried to scrub some of the dirt off with a handful of leaves, but itdidn't help at all.
Abdar gazed at the sky, noticing black clowds rolling in, promising rain. He lifted his hood up, to protect his head from the pellets of cold water. He then dropped to all fours, and started to walk, trying to seem more like an animal.
After an hour or so, the rain let up, and Abdar saw the pink, maroon, and purple sunset. Guessing from this it was around 7 o' clock, he decided to find a good place to make camp.
He saw large tree that would shade him well, and slept under it.
Abdar awoke to the noise of a bag being ruffled. As he slowly opened his eyes, he saw a fairly tall man, with shoulder-length black hair, eyes as hard as stone. He was wearing a forest-green shirt, along with Khore-skin pants, the sign of wealth. The man was rumadging through Abdar's traveling sack.
"Hey, put down my bag!"
The wealthy man stared at Abdar, noticing his unusual qualities.
"What are you going to do about it, hoodie?" the man smirked. He held the bag over his head, so that Abdar wouldn't be able to get it. Abdar crouched down on all fours, and sprang up so high that he exceded the height of the bag. As he was falling, he grabbed the bag, while doing a driving punch right into the guys face. Being able to work on all fours, he landed land on his hands, doing a forward flip as to not let his hands get hurt.
"Why you little..." the man yelled as he jumped at Abdar. Abdar easily evaded the attack. He jumped past the man, and while doing so, kicked into the man's back, sending him flying through the tree.
Abdar walked around the tree, and looked at the man's head that was all the way through the tree. Abdar lowered his hood. The man was completely unconscious, but still alive, and Abdar walked around to the other side, and set down his bag, then pulled him out.
Abdar left the man under the tree, and continued his journey.
Several hours later, Abdar heard leaves rustling, off to his left. Abdar stopped in his tracks. What was it? Curiosity ate at him. He turned, and saw a large dark shape. He crouched low, and ran as fast has his arms and legs could carry him. Abdar ran so fast, he was merely a grey and blonde blurr.
The thing was so close, he could here it breathe. Abdar was still ahead though, but not by much.
(This message has been edited by moderator (edited 09-01-2002).)
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Originally posted by PinkFluffyBunny: **Abdar ran as fast as he could, jumping over obstacles in the dark forest, his mind jumbled. What had happened? Was there anything he could do about it?
(This message has been edited by moderator (edited 09-01-2002).)**
You used Abdar's name too many times. Once you establish your antecedent, then use pronouns to break the monotony of the name being used so many times. Also maybe use your spell checker to catch some of those spelling errors. Rememeber when you spell hear, it has the word ear in it. All in all I think you made a good first stab at chronicle writing. I mean, do you think Celchu wrote this well as a 12 year old? Aah, but then, perhaps he is somewhat of a genius when it comes to writing chronicles! So, I hope we don't discourage you, Pinkfluffybunny. When you get back I hope you'll take everything in stride and keep on writing.
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Originally posted by Toast: **You used Abdar's name too many times. Once you establish your antecedent, then use pronouns to break the monotony of the name being used so many times. Also maybe use your spell checker to catch some of those spelling errors. Rememeber when you spell hear, it has the word ear in it.:) All in all I think you made a good first stab at chronicle writing. I mean, do you think Celchu wrote this well as a 12 year old? Aah, but then, perhaps he is somewhat of a genius when it comes to writing chronicles! So, I hope we don't discourage you, Pinkfluffybunny. When you get back I hope you'll take everything in stride and keep on writing. **
Indeed. I must have missed those errors, normally I edit out those I find. Ah well, time will tell.
And no, Celchu didn't write that well as a twelve year old. He doesn't write that well now, either. Who do you think edits all those stories?
-Andiyar
------------------ "Any good that I may do here, let me do now, for I may not pass this way again"
Heh. Thanks for the compliments, my teachers always said I was imaginitave... Anyway, Part 3 should be coming out soon. I may not be using coldstone anymore. I don't feel like game-making much... Making starcraft games is enough for me. Coldstone is the best, though. I will see what happens...school starts in a week so I'll be busy.
UPDATE: I am back in action and registering cs! ------------------ If people would take the time to understand and know someone, to appreciate this person, wouldn't we live in a better world? But if we did, then how would we learn anything? A world without hurt is a world without lessons.
(This message has been edited by PinkFluffyBunny (edited 09-20-2002).)
Originally posted by PinkFluffyBunny: **I may not be using coldstone anymore. I don't feel like game-making much... Making starcraft games is enough for me. Coldstone is the best, though. I will see what happens...school starts in a week so I'll be busy.
**
I think I might stop, too. Mabye I'm just not smart enough for this type of proggraming :frown: (not to offend coldstone)...anyway, I'm making an Oni starcraft map that's doing good If you go on battle.net, mabye you can come into my first game and try it out when I finish it in a few months or so.
I'll still hang around the cronicles in case my story comes. If it does, I'll write the remaining parts 4, 5, and 6 (mabye a 7th one). If not this could be my last post.
See you later, mabye.
------------------ Stronger isn't always better. Sometimes the quicker can accomplish more.
This story is quite interesting and would be even better with some errors ironed out.
------------------ -Zaphod Beeblebrox - President of the Universe All hail El Presidente Beeblebrox