Coldstone Chronicles: The Fall of the Nervii: Thunderbolts (Sctn. Three)

Here is the conclusion of Part Four: Thunderbolts. Here is told the conclusion of the battle between Caesar and the Nervii, and in the upcoming final section, “Aftermath,” the last pieces of the puzzle are finally put into place....

Part Four: Thunderbolts

Concluded....

:sniff: How touching...

And now for the criticism! 😛

Starters, did the Romans even use bows in battle? Cause I can't seem to remember this. Also, 40 pages of HTML be damned, I would've done three times as much on Zeltar's downfall even if it meant I would have to cut out, say, well, something important. That's what I would snip. 🙂

It's very well done, and I can't wait for the Aftermath.

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"Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past me I will turn to see fear's path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain." - Muad'Dib

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Originally posted by Celchu:
:sniff: How touching...

I'll pass that on to Zeltar. He's sure to appreciate it. 😉

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**
And now for the criticism!:p

Starters, did the Romans even use bows in battle? Cause I can't seem to remember this. Also, 40 pages of HTML be damned, I would've done three times as much on Zeltar's downfall even if it meant I would have to cut out, say, well, something important. That's what I would snip. 🙂

It's very well done, and I can't wait for the Aftermath.

**

Something important.... ok. I'll cut out the first two sections and spend three pages killing Zeltar. Happy? 😉

Oh, and I hope you're not too dissappointed with Aftermath. I left it very, very open....

-Andiyar

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"Any good that I may do here, let me do now, for I may not pass this way again"

Hmm.. open. Openness is good.

Also, you don't need to tell Zeltar. I have his action figure sitting on my monitor, right next to the plush Rothlin. I had to put Caesar on the dresser after he impaled Rothlin with a protractor for the second time. 😉

Have you thought about re-visiting the Fall of the Nervii, and maybe touching it up a bit? I did that for Body and Soul. I spent about an hour on it, and it's seen a world of improvement. Size increased by 33%, and I think I've pumped up the suspense-o-meter before the shape-shifter a great deal. You should try it next time you're free.

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"Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past me I will turn to see fear's path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain." - Muad'Dib

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Originally posted by Celchu:
**Have you thought about re-visiting the Fall of the Nervii, and maybe touching it up a bit? I did that for Body and Soul. I spent about an hour on it, and it's seen a world of improvement. Size increased by 33%, and I think I've pumped up the suspense-o-meter before the shape-shifter a great deal. You should try it next time you're free.

**

Yes I have, actually. And every time I have felt the urge to do so, I have resisted it. The Fall of the Nervii, was, for me, an experiment, and excercise of my writing ability and one half of a composite multimedia/story project. There is much I would like to do to the Fall of the Nervii, so much I would change, more I would add. I could easily double the size of the story.... but at the moment, I won't.

The Fall of the Nervii is to me a great milestone of my writing. It marks a point in my life that I think won't return. Since then, my writing style has evolved, changed. If I rewrote the story, I am afraid that in some ways, I might break it, or make it less than it is. Thus, at present, TFOTN is a closed book.

However, the world I modified/created in writing that story has always been a favourite one of mine, and I cannot guarantee that I won't revisit the tale of Caesar, Zeltar, Rothlin and Talia, and breathe new life into it. Ideally, I do intend to extend the story both before and after the actual events in the current story take place, to show what came before and what happens after..... If I do decide to do that, then I will rewrite the Fall of the Nervii.

But until then, regretfully, no. 🙂

-Andiyar

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"Any good that I may do here, let me do now, for I may not pass this way again"

Ah yes, the 'old and un-visited' work reply. I'll respect that. It, however does not apply to Body and Soul, seeing as how that is still very much work in progress.. I also will be submitting in maybe one day a small treatise on shapeshifters, complete with small teasers for Epitheisterra.. (nothing confidential, mind you)

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"Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past me I will turn to see fear's path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain." - Muad'Dib

(This message has been edited by Celchu (edited 01-28-2002).)