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"It was cold in the forests of Kalathiel this evening," Kelu thought to himself. The chilling wind swept across him, as he huddled in a large tree a good 30 feet above the trail winding through the forest. Kelu shivered, and pulled his cloak around him. An elven woman with light brown hair and an impatient face approached the tree Kelu was sitting in. She also wore a cloak to ward off the chill wind.
Kelu, get down here. You dont have to be a watchman anymore, the goblins left the forest a week ago. Youre needed in the city, the young woman shouted up to him.
Very well, Elsara. Is something wrong? Kelu asked as he deftly leapt to the ground.
You wont believe it coming from me, Elsara replied, and gesturing for Kelu to follow, she ran into the forest.
Kelu kept up with Elsara with some difficulty. She was the fastest runner in Kalathiel after all, and she appeared to be running slower so as not to leave him behind. When they arrived at the gates of Kalathiel, the southern Elven city, the guards immediately allowed them passage. Within a few minutes of hard running, and sleepy commoners leaping aside, Kelu and Elsara arrived at a large domed structure, the Elven Palace. The gates were hastily opened by an unseen guard, and within moments they had arrived in the main chamber. The room was filled with Elves, men and women, gathered around a large table. The beautiful marble used for building everything else in the city was also utilized here. The room was stunning with tapestries and windows in numerous locations.
Kelu! a young Elf said as he ran to greet them. The young mans hair was shoulder-length and silvery. The man looked troubled.
Kelu, you remember the princess? the man asked.
Hardly, Xorion. She was captured when I was about 5 years old, Kelu replied.
Yes, she was also 5. You do remember that we never found out where she was, or who had captured her, right? Xorion asked.
Yes. That was quite an embarassment. But why the sudden talk of the princess?
Shes returned.
You cant be serious. We thought she was dead long ago! Kelu said.
Just at that moment, a tapestry was thrust aside by a slender arm. A young elven woman emerged from the hidden passage behind the tapestry, her hair wildly elaborate. She wore a regal blue robe. All talk ceased as the woman strode to the center of the room. The woman seemed to radiate confidence, and seemed almost too sure of herself. She looked crafty indeed... not one to cross. If this was the princess...well, Kelu didnt want to think about it.
(This message has been edited by moderator (edited 09-16-2001).)
Short, but very interesting.
Quote
Originally posted by -Mouse: Short, but very interesting.
Thanks Mouse
the full version is 40-50 pages long, and it really gives away the plot and so on so I won't release it yet.
and thanks for posting it GlueBubble
------------------ "Abandon your foolish quest. All that awaits you is the wrath of my master. You are too late to save the child, and now you will join him... In hell," -Lazarus
Originally posted by Lorenoth: **Thanks Mouse
**
Yeah. If only I could re-register, I'd post something of my own, as it seems to be somewhat popular. (sigh) :frown:
It's a good story, but you should be more decriptive. The Elven Palace sounds like it's supposed to be an impressive place, and it would enhance the atmosphere greatly if you went into more detail. Mouse, if you want to post a story, you could ask one of the board members to submit it for you. I'd be happy to help.
------------------ "He's a professional politician. He doesn't hold any opinions other than those he's paid to have."
Originally posted by Celchu: ** Mouse, if you want to post a story, you could ask one of the board members to submit it for you. I'd be happy to help.
It simply doesn't work that way.
Originally posted by -Mouse: (paraphrase)Messages about inability to submit stories:) (/paraphrase)
Just a quote from the submissions page for you to think about, Mouse.
Taken from Coldstone Chronicles Submit Page: Please enter your Ambrosia web board user name and password (or any pseudonym you choose and no password, if you have no Ambrosia web board account).......
So by that token, you should be able to post as unregistered, just make sure you get the story right first time (no editing, I'd assume!) and use your "-Mouse" nick. We'll all know it's your stuff, and you have a way of submitting it! Simple!
-Andiyar
------------------ "Any good that I may do here, let me do now, for I may not pass this way again"
(edited for UBB errors)
(This message has been edited by Tarnćlion Andiyarus (edited 09-19-2001).)
Great Story!
You might want to be more descriptive, especially Elsara. When I picture her (this might just be me) I think of her as a sort of pudgy townsperson. Then we learn that she is a fast runner. Maybe describe how Kelu knows her.
Maybe it's just me.
------------------ I'm just your average run-of-the-mill demon possessed, bloodsucking, headhunting, cold-blooded, hot-headed, pyromaniac. My name is Legion, for we are many.
I liked this story although it is v. brief but I think this a great start. In my opinion you need to develop the background to the plot a bit more, from what you have written I can't really tell what direction the plot is going in, because although you know obviously you must remember that I as the reader do not. Who is this Kelu? What is the story of this princess? A bit of background on the setting would be good too. It seems to me that you have some great ideas but (I hate to write but here ) you need to express them better, and spend more time on descriptions because they are very important.
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