The Bistro Beyond the Edge of the Paper Sheet

So, since Cythera has its tavern, POG had its pub, the various EV boards have their spaceport bars, and Ares has its.. err.. officier's mess hall, I hereby declare that the SketchFighter 4000 Alpha forum shall now have its bistro, because... because I decided it. With many thanks to the Nihil Bar.

With your sketchfighter, you're currently flying through the race, you're about to set a new record when, at the last turn, you slip and keep going at fast pace straight, and you lose consciousness when you smash through the wall. When you wake up, you are...

...seated inside a bistro.

And you're not alone, mind you. All around you are other sketchfighters, in various states of upgrades, a few of them more battle-hardened than others, with some being in strange colors; also present are various bugs, drones, critters and other such beings you're used to fighting, and to your amazement, all of these folks are busy drinking, playing games, or chatting, with none of them seeming intent on attacking you or each other. You suddenly hear a call from a big bug who seems to be the bartender, so you go meet him from the seat you're sitting in to the side of the counter opposite from him. You cannot help but ask:
"Where... where am I? Sketchfighters heaven?"
The bug answers:
"Oh no, son, it's not heaven. This place is somewhat better than the remainder of Sketchtopia, but not by that much. So don't worry, you're not dead."
"Wow."
"Though you're lucky not to have exploded in that freaking accident, we've watched all of it, and when you entered the bistro unconscious (through the door, luckily) with your last bits of inertia and stopped inside, you only had a few percents of life remaining. But it's okay now, we gave you a few life pickups and installed you in that seat at the back, for you to wake up on your own."
"Well thank you sir. But if this is not Sketchfighters heaven, then what is this?"
"This place is a bistro. The bistro Beyond the Edge of the Paper Sheet. And I'm the bistrotier, the one who serves the drinks in this place. So what do I serve ya? The first one is free, especially for you after the entrance you made, hehe."
"Well, I don't know... What do you have?"
"Inks."
"Inks?"
"Yes, all kinds, colors and shades of ink, for all tastes! And you turn into the color of what you drink! In fact, I even have some invisible ink, but it's rather pricey, and I reserve it to my faithful regulars, I wouldn't want customers to slip away without paying while they're invisible... We don't usually serve alcohol, as it's bad for the reflexes, as for water it would be bad for your ink. Unfortunately, we don't serve darth_vader anymore."
"Well, I'll take some forest green ink then, perhaps this will make me unnoticed in the forest foliage..."
"A wise choice son. There, here's your drink. Don't get your hopes too high, the effect is only temporary, though long enough to pull a fast one on the Forest critters if you're quick."
You sip the drink, indeed of a forest green color, that you've been served. It has a mint flavor, with some fruity undertones, it is actually good. And you notice you're indeed turning more and more green and less and less black the more you're drinking.
Before you complete your drink (and turn completely forest green) you have to ask:
"If I may ask... where is this bar located? You said it was beyond the edge of the paper sheet..."
"Well, first this is a bistro, not a bar. Second, well... okay, let me tell you from the beginning.
You may have noticed the RaceTrack is not quite like the other zones, it's actually rather small, it does not have any map or any star. In fact it's because it was a bit of an afterthought from the Pen, he realised he could not place it in one of the existing zones, so he ended up using a few sketch pad sheets to make up this zone. But in his haste, he forgot to erase a few structures he had drawn on these temporary sheets, and one of the race walls has actually been a bit sloppily drawn and will give way when you hit it - as you did by accident. I was the first to discover these abandoned structures, and since then I've been running a bistro in them, for the others who are stumbling on it."
"Very interesting... but, why is it the bistro "Beyond the Edge of the Paper Sheet" then?"
"Good point, lad. In fact the Pen did cut out the portions of sheet containing these structures when building the RaceTrack, but strangely enough the drawings remained in place while the paper went away. If you check you see there is no sheet on which our drawings rely, if you had been conscious you would have seen you were going out of the paper into a zone without any paper support, hence "beyond the edge". Now don't ask me how this is possible, I'm no Sketchtopia physicist, but that's how it is. In fact, we're in some kind of void..."
Void... you remember hearing of this place... and indeed you can feel an influence of VXI, trout, pamplemeese, and Shrödinger's cat. As if the bistroier has read your thoughts, he goes on while you resume drinking:
"Yeah, we're in a Void. This has several uncanny consequences, for one usual Sketchtopia laws don't apply here, in particular your weapons do not actually work, and any harm you do is void unless the recieving sentience present (or not) consents to it. This means that fights don't break up (can't say I'm complaining), but a few mutually consented duels happen from time to time. Ah, with the exception of a few fish fights, some have spontaneously erupted for The Great Voidness knows any reason, as people are not harned unless they so desire, so everyone end up hitting each other with trouts, halibuts, mackerels without any effect whatsoever, until they get bored and stop. Also, the Pen does not have any influence over this place, people here act freely and are not masterminded by him. The end result is that this place is a relative(ist) haven of peace from the remainder of Sketchtopia, and those who find it return here to get a break from the fighting outside."
You're trying to absorb this when you hear an engine noise outside.
"Heh, looks like one of your peers is trying to beat the race too, you can watch this through the window. He's going a little too fast though and he's reaching the tur... Ooh, he reacted just a little faster than you and tried to brake, and he only hit the wall at slow speed, but fast enough to break it (yeah, the wall repaired itself in the meantime, there's some strange script applied to it). Well, looks like curiosity got the better of him and he does not seem really interested in winning the race anymore. Yep, he's coming our way... he doesn't seem to be afraid to step off the sheet into voidness, and now he has seen out bistro. He's entering now. So, this lucky guy is...?"

Awesome! ZP +++++++++++++++++

grayshirtninja's Sketchfighter wearily flies into the bistrot.

"Erm what is this place? It reminds me of home."
The bartender gives his long-winded explanation.
"Cool. Do you serve FleemBlasters™?"

A light grey dual-hulled sketchfighter comes careening around the next-to-last bend at a bad angle, sees the wall in front of it too late, and attempts to pull up. Reverse thrusters on full, it tries desperately to avoid its fate, but to no avail. It hits the wall...

...and passes straight through.

It comes to a stop, maneuvers through a few loops that, if traced, might spell out a curse word, and starts drifting back towards the entrance to the track. Then it stops, and spins towards the bistro. It pauses for a few seconds, and then zooms over, thrusters on full.

++++++++++

Settling carefully onto a seat at the bar, it asks the bartender what this place it's stumbled into is. After listening to the bartender's story, it orders a drink of Indian ink. Sipping it slowly, and starting to look a bit more substantial, it says:

"No darth_vader, huh? Too bad- I'd heard it was one of the finest drinks in the multiverse. I wonder if there's any left anywhere..."

Looking out the window, you see a single hulled Sketchfighter being pursued by several Flickers. It appears to be panicking, and you note that he is trailing small explosions. He turns around for a few seconds to see how close they are, hits the wall, and passes through it; seemingly without noticing. He turns around again, fleeing for his life, and finally notices that he's left the course. He stops and looks back. The Flickers are all crowded around the wall which he passed through. Apparenty deciding that going back there would not be the smartest course of action, he turns back to the Bistro, and flies inside.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

"What the heck is this place, and what can i get to drink?"
The bartender gives his long winded explanation, adding "You're the fourth one to have gotten here today, must be some big race."'
PiSketch nods, and asks: "So, can i get my shields recharged here? I kinda need it.
The bartender points to a corner containing a save ring.
PiPketch nods his thanks, and flies into the save ring, carefully avoiding the walls.

grayshirtninja happily drinks his FleemBlaster™. The other Sketchfighters watch in amazement as he turns fleem colored.
"Ahhhhh that's good stuff!"

PiSketch, returning from the Save, looks over and sees a fleem colored Grey Shirt Sketch. After a few moments spent in utter shock, he flies over to GSS.

"Where can i get one of them?"

Grey Shirt, happily engaged in the drinking of his FleemBlaster, motions to the bartender.

PiSketch looks over at the bartender and, motioning to the Grey Shirt, says "I'll have what he's having!"

After finishing off his FleemBlaster™, GSN moves over to the community bulletin board.

"Hmmm this one page contest looks rather interesting. I don't think I'll participate though. After my journey through the Temple of the Pen one page seems rather limiting."

"Well, unfortunately my good Pi, I don't have any left, the gray-shirted one drank the last of it. It's the same problem as with the darth_vader, I'm having issues getting resupplied of such foreign stuff, what's with the uncertainity of travel in the Void and all that... If there's any darth_vader left, you can be sure it's at the source, the Nihil Bar, though be careful, last I've heard no one's been able to access it."

"You're having problems getting FleemBlasters? That's not good. I know the Null & Void Bar has plenty. Perhaps you should contact the management. I'm sure they would be happy to help you keep it stocked. The FleemBlaster was actually invented there. They even gave me the recipe. Let me see if I can find it…"

GSN opens a dimensional pocket and roots around.

"Hmm… pruning shears, chemistry book, root beer. No, no, and no. Uh… aircraft carrier. No. WHOA! HOW DID THAT GET IN HERE?! Oh! Here it is!"

GSN pulls out a piece of paper, flies over to the bar and passes it to the bartender.
Written on the paper:
"1 12oz bottle Jones Cream Soda
1 12oz bottle Stewart's Orange 'n Cream
1 12oz bottle Stewart's Key Lime
1 medium Star SweetŽ pamplemoose

I measured out 12 teaspoons of the Jones, 3 teaspoons of the Orange, and 10 teaspoons of the Lime into a green goblet. After gently mixing them together, I cut a wedge of the pamplemoose and squeezed its juice in. A few seconds of stirring, and bang! FleemBlaster!

WARNING : This drink has no after-taste.

by JoeB(l)ob"

"Good, yes?"

This post has been edited by gray_shirt_ninja : 15 February 2007 - 05:09 PM

The bartender studied the page for a moment, his brow furrowed. "Wait a minute. What are you trying to pull? There's no ink in this recipe!"

"Yes there is," volunteered an ice missile that had been observing the conversation out of the corner of its eye, "Check the ingredients, down at the bottom. All those sodas be full of dyes. Me mum always said a little Red 40 with the regular blue be good for the pigment, but then, she liked purple, aye."

The bartender pursed his lips momentarily, then excused himself and walked out the back. "Where do you suppose he's off to?" said the first newcomer to stumble in.

"Oh, ta' get some paper, I'd imagine," said the ice missile, "To be copyin' down the recipe, see. Remember that there don' be paper here."

"Oh, right," said the newcomer. Outside the window, the bartender could be seen struggling to tear a strip off the edge of the paper with his huge mandibles. "Say, that reminds me of something. Can't we watch the end of the universe from this bistro?"

"The what o' the what?" said the ice missile.

"Oh, wait, I know this one," said gray_shirt. "No, you're thinking of something else that had a similar name. And you'd better watch out, they might sue."

"Sue who?" said the ice missile.

"Sue him," gray_shirt replied.

"His name be sue?" asked the ice missile, growing more puzzled.

"No," said the newcomer, "My name's Dash Riprock!"

The others regarded him in disbelief.

"...ok...OK! Not really. No, my name's actually Eugene." His forest green tint began to turn brown as he blushed.

"Aye, that be more the thing. I be called Boomer meself, but that be because I be a missile." Boomer took a drink of red fluid, turning slightly purple as he did so. "But now who be Sue?"

"No one's Sue. It means they'll get all lawyery on you and take your money."

"Oh." Boomer nodded knowingly. "...and a lawyer is...?"

"Don't worry about it," said Eugene. "Hey, but if this isn't the Restaurant at the End of the--"

"Shhh!" chorused the Bistro's occupants.

"--right, that, well then, what's this Void the bartender was talking about?"

"I'm not quite sure about that one," said the bartender as he returned through the back door. "If I knew, I doubt I'd have so many supply issues. Here you are, FleemBoy," he said, returning gray_shirt's recipe.

"It's gray_shirt ninja," he said.

The bartender looked at him, nonplussed. "A ninja? Really?"

"Who cares?" said Eugene, then added hastily as the ninja shot out of his chair, "I mean, it's great and all, yeah, being a ninja, but that still doesn't explain about the void."

"Tha' void be a tricky thing. It--"

"Wait," interrupted the bartender, "Boomer, you've been coming here for how long, and you never told me you know about the void?"

"'Course I do. How else d'you suppose I got here from the Ice Caves, eh? It's not like an ice missile's got guns what can open doors. What, or aint ya never been there? There's doors, see, they--"

"The Void, Boomer. Tell us about the Void!" said the bartender.

Boomer sighed. "Aye, the void then, right. The Void is..."

PiSketch suddenly causes quite a distraction by yelling "Look! It's the Pen!"

Everyone turns to the window, where nothing can be seen except the constantly blurring atmosphere of the Void.

Everyone glares at PiSketch.

"What? I thought it was a good time for a little excitement."

EDIT: (Mouse to read) OffTopic

This post has been edited by PiSketch : 15 February 2007 - 10:37 PM

Prophile enters quietly, without disturbing anybody and gets out a pencil.

He draws a pint of Flicker's Best, and starts to quietly sip it.

OOC: I love these places. Good work, ZP.

GSN puts the paper back into his dimensional pocket.

"Hey. I just realized what this whole place reminds me of! Well, besides The Restaurant at the End of the Universe. It's like-"

GSN breaks off and glances around.

"Well never you mind what it's like. Let's party or something!"

There's a bright flahs of light and suddenly a much large craft appears in the bar - taking up perhaps two or three times the size of the most advanced sketch-fighters. A side line opens and a blonde women jumps out.

"Hey Lucca!", she calls back inside the craft - "when on earth is this and..." she stops, trailing off into silence as she returns the dumb-founded gazes of the other occupants of the room with an equally nonplussed expression.

several seconds of silence ensue which feel like a mini-eternity

"Well, I never..." muttered the barman. "She's... coloured... in...!"

"A product o'..." whispered Boomer

"Hey!" The women interrupts - "have any of you seen Crono round here? Red-head, not a talkative chap?"

"Ewww, Nadia, you're talking to insects!" calls a voice from inside the ship. "He's not here - he's not anywhere, not after that Lavos incident."

Nadia mutters something and storms back into the ship before anyone can reply to her question. With another flash, it has vanished.

The bistro's clients go back to their conversations and ink.

"... the crayon!" finished Boomer.

Eugene remembers that before the multiple interruptions there had been some mention as to Boomer knowing something about the void. However, now a new question came out - "the.. crayon?"

"aye" said Boomer.

"T'is rumoured that long ago afore ya and me was born there was a relative of the pen. Was a Square chap called the Crayon. And 'e spent much more time on 'is works. 'e coloured them in dif'rent colours and like."

The bistro has fallen silent as Boomer continues.

"A dis'an' relative of mine said he knew someun 'oo knew someun 'oo was all coloured in like that... But... 'parran'ly - or so the saying goes - the crayon - he got in with an eenix chappy. t'was a bad business and nobody ya know of has heard more since. They says the sketches ran as rampant as Durandal - an he was on the end of a bungie. Noone could control them"

Boomer shrugs (in so much as an ice missile can). "Don' know much else, I tell ya".

The patrons sigh and return to there drinking, discussing this latest revelation.

GSN doodles on the wall:

Wonders what the heck that... THING in GSN's drawing is

For that matter, wonders how GSN drew that

Offtopic, just got back from seeing Ghost Rider. Not a great movie, put pretty good.

"You infidel! Bow to the magic of the toast machine!"

GSN scribbles on an effigy of Pi.

a massive crash surprises every body in the bar. a young dual hulled sketchfighter crashed through the wall with the tank boss following 2 seconds behind firing all the way.

"HELP!!! HELPS!!!!! IT WON'T GET OFF ME"

"remember? weapons don't work in the void" said GSN

"oh good. CAN YOU GET HURT?"

"don't worry, enemies can't get through the wall." said PiSketch

"oh good, can i have some anti-tank ink?"

off-topic: we could right a book about this...

even more off-topic this is fun...

GSN orders a Red Corkle and passes it to Indigo.

"Here you go. This one is on me."

While everyone is enjoying themselves in the bar they're not seeing a small seemingly unupgraded Sketchfighter who's fighting some mines in front of the entrance. Suddenly a big dark Guardian appears behind him. It loads its weapon, fires and the fighter disappeared! The mighty enemy watches the place, but there's just a big spot of a rubber-in-action left.
Before it's able to turn around the Guradian gets hit by three missiles, followed by a bright red which is cutting the enemy to two halfes. Because of the explosion the Sketchfighter is thrown against the wall and discovers the Sketchtopian void. Soon it arrives in the bar.

"What was that? You don't really seem to be that mighty!" says GSN.

"Hehe, yes. I know of some ancient old ways, some sketches call them "bugs", but let's just say "shortcuts", which can give a small ship great power." With a freqian grin the stranger sits down and orders some ultraviolet ink. The bartender blinks, then gives the guy the exotic drink. Some minutes after drinking it the fighter vanishes.

"Huh? I'd like to have that, too!" PiSketch is really excited about that.

"No, I'm sorry. There's just a limited supply of that and sketches who are able to use ultraviolet ink must have faced many dangerous anomalies..."

"Hmm, how bad."