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Logs of the ship: Deimos Ship type: Cargo Transport Previous History: Ship was used by Frontier Express as a warehouse stocker. However, it burned out it's blaze turret. Thus, the Frontier Express decided to sell it to the K.C.U.W. S. (Knox Criminal Under Worlds Shipyard). From there it was sold to a Saalian Merchant. However it was captured by a renegade in Chorca. Too bad he lost it to a UE shipyard overseer in a game of poker. In other words, the ship went from OK to bad to worse to worst to a little better. A businessman bought it at Huron and there hired a crew stupid enough to go with him. Crew- Communications -Allen Erin Pilot/navigator -Hera Abella Engineer- Rebecca Maria First Mate-Peter Veis Captain- Theres Ballast
Intro- The dusty man strode into the bar. It couldn't have been more tense. The UE officers wouldn't take their eyes off him. The privateers all had a bottle in their hands or their hands on their pistols-some had both. The few men that were stupid enough not to look at him, didn't care, that is unless he wanted to play a hand or two. Why wouldn't they look at him? He was an obvious privateer. The even more scary thing is that he had credentials-endorsed by Lothe Prime. Something was wrong. He had a red and gray uniform on-the militia! Several privateers stood up, while others got on the phone with their lawyers. He had a worn gotee-ranked with the stench of alcohol on him. That was so great, that it was as bad as the 100 credit cologne that extensively tried to cover it up. In his belt was a small laser pistol. His ear-peirced head was covered by a privateer's "glory" hat. It much resembled the three-cornered hat of very early colonial days. Both the UE and Privateers were after him, who was he? "Hey, you!" an officer swung a punch at him. Too bad he never had the chance to throw another one as he simply grasped the arm and threw him into the bar. Three gallons of whiskey pounded into the unkempt hair of the UE officer. He threw a credit chip of 3000 to pay for it to the bartender. "I need a person willing to take my ship to Helios. Just a short crew who needs a couple extra credits-" four men gladly lined up. Most locals just smart enough to operate a d-classed ship. When he arrived on Apollo, everyone was more or less happy enough to leave him. The same incident was not repeated, the locals respected his authority, even if it was given by Lothe Prime. Knowing several tricks, he was able to find himself a crew who had never flown anything more than a refinery ship to Helios. He thoroughly spooked every single one of them, but he proved a fine leader in this adventure....
Day 1 Helios I am the communicator, Allen Erin, and my job is to control the ship's cockpit control rooms. Before here, I worked as a communicator in the bay. I remember, my father called me and told me to quit. He had a much better job for me. When I got to his outfitting shop, I saw a militia man. He called himself Theres, and my father was well aqcuainted with him in their days on the Lothe Alps, searching out hidden pirates. It just so happened that he was willing to give me a job. Plus, he would buy out my father's needle missiles and a needle launcher. I jumped to accept, even though his poor ship could only go 3 jumps. Our first mate was an old friend from grade school. I found that he was actually working for the militia against Pirates. He helped to protect the refinery ships that flew off towards Helios. When the crew first entered, they found an old breifing room. It was beaten down. Stairs went up through the middle of it, and that came into the cockpit. The bunks were in a large room half as big as the briefing room. However, his room was located down the hall towards the cargo bay. In front of the breifing room was a kitchen with a table in it. It must have been an old model, because everything had to be tied down until they reached the atmosphere and the artificial gravity could be activated. We ended our day gathered around the table, preparing for liftoff tomorrow. Then we would take our cargo of equipment to some planet called Sumer. Day 2 Helios Despite a renegade appearance earlier in the day, the captain pulled a few strings and the ship hunked off into space. I had never heard of Sumer, and neither had anyone else on the ship. However, it was ordered that we make a stop in Hatuli, he had to meet with his employer, who was currently waiting for his ship to be repaired in the port. With any luck we should catch him. Our Rebeccah makes good casseadeas for that's how we ended today in hyperspace, though I can't say that the captain agrees, he took dinner in his room. Day 3 Huron Today we found ourselves loosely orbiting Huron. The captain showed his military skills when a krait was coming at us. "Hold course." he ordered, a militia man wasn't about to surrender his route to a client of that position. "But cap-" "Hold course!" so Hera surrendered to his will. Just as the poor renegade was about to fire, an asteroid came and it crashed. Idiot. Soon after that we left for Troub, the fastest route to a Hatuli port. Day 4 Troub Today wasn't expected to come, but it came none the less. We thought that the renegades would have disabled us by now, but it was all very quiet. Not even a krait thought that it belonged to the system today. Since there was no interference, we went into hyperspeed faster than a Ommish chetah could catch an earthling rabbit (sorry old term). We ended today eating in our room, hoping to survive tomorrow as well as we had done today. Day 5-8 Hatuli Renegades buzzing everywhere, attacking militia, merchants, and even themselves. However they payed no attention to me, equipment was dirt cheap in that area of the world. So for three days we searched the two ports, only to find that the unlikely employer of our privateer captain had decided to go to Lothe Prime while his ship had been repaired. So we decided to follow him. Our informer said something about leading false ends for the UE, I didn't catch the whole thing. That probably wasn't a good thing, since the UE had a large influence on this area of space. Day 9 Hatuli I expected the trip to continue going onto Lothe Prime, and who knows where after that, but the captain kept our intended route. No sooner said than gone were we of that renegade infested port that I never intend to go to again. Day 10 DSN-5842 This morning I looked east to the planet we should have gone to. I am so tired of hyperspeed, but I know that we will be in it again. It puts pressure on everything, but relaxes it at the same time. It is a very tiring feeling. Day 11 DSN-3966 Today I saw something that alarmed me. There was a station in this system. Dozens of UE ships swarmed around it. "Don't worry! It's one of the surveillance stations-just outside of the UE. Lately, an independent militia has boarded it and changed it to survey for likely renegades. However, since Sumer was colonised, it has become even more vital for the survival of the independent systems, and we have used it as a headquarters for militia a couple of times. Communicator, go ahead and hack into their communication network." I easily hacked in, and soon we heard the United Earth patrollers in the speakers, while this was happening, we prepared for hyperspace: "Nothing was in there except for a couple of kraits." "Renegade?" "Actually, Militia." "Militia?" "Yep." "Why would they want this?" "I don't know." "Maybe they've expanded. You stay here for a month to flush them out. See any militia, capture em. We'll send you a cargo transport with food every week." "Aye." "Pack it up." "Uh,captain, there's a militia right over there." "Catch him!" Just then we left them in our tracks, for we hyperspaced. Day 12 Sumer Today I was more alarmed by the flying dragons in this system. The captain informed me that those were no more than alien traders, and that they don't come here often, just a little. I wasn't surprised about this, after all, my captain was beginning to become my mentor. We landed on Sumer, our mission complete. The captain showed us around and informed us that many people want to leave because of volcanic eruptions. I saw now why the UE could not find out, or they would try to claim it for its own. That's why, when the captain asked us for one more mission we said yes. His employer had landed, and there were several more militia, only these were turncoats. They were going to perform a raid in a couple of days. Day 13 Sumer We joined, and soon we were headed off for DSN-3966. The plan was to fool the UE into thinking this had all been planned. Then they would be less attentive if the station sent out two pods instead of one. Who would fall for the same trick twice? Day 14 DSN-3966 I awoke to the sound of attacking. Our ship was supposed to be disabled, so we would fight off any UE boarding crews. As soon as the station was taken we opened up a bottle in celebration. Day 15 DSN-5842 I awoke to find the ship on fire. I ran for the cockpit, and made it. Noone was there, and I survived to find that we were hit by several more rockets. I began to feel sleepy, and Peter was sleepily climbing into the cockpit. We were running out of oxygen. I took a final breath, and that was the end.
Day? ? I awoke on a bench. Beside me was Peter, and we were well rested. In my pocket was 20,000 credits and the ship logs. I gave Peter's money to him and we began to look around.
Epilogue: The ship, Deimos, had indeed burned to a crisp. However, Peter Veis and Allen Erin had found themselves on Lothe Prime. Not even I know how they got to that busy street. Although, let's hope that they were able to find a job. Probably went into the UE. Actually the Stellar Corp bar tender reported seeing them on Thoso. Maybe they got a job with Stellar Corp...
Wierrd, wierd and confusing. I kinda like the idea, but I'm not sure if it was well executed. I definently felt like I was reading a log, but I didn't exactly like it because to much was left unexplained, but at the same time that was kinda nice. Spelling seemed Ok, nothing jumped out at me as "ouch!" Maybe if you separated the different parts with a line like this....... ------------------------------------------------------ The story (or log) would be easier to read. It is confusing how you skip from log, to first hand story, and back to log again. Over all I feel this needs some work.
------------------ Cmon people, the (url="http://"http://www.AmbrosiaSW.com/cgi-bin/ubb/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&number;=20&SUBMIT;=Go")Chronicles(/url) are worth looking at.
I like it, though it did seem a little jumbled
Bit jumbled, true. Perhaps a bit more interaction with the crew? It just seemed...detatched, somehow.
CHeers, Guapo
------------------ "Quote it, paraphrase it, soak it in peanut oil and set it on fire. I don't mind in the least." - forge Founding Member of WORRPBOITAMPSH, Gildorian Minion and Knight of the Order of the Bastard (url="http://"http://guapohq.jonpearse.net")GuapoHQ - for all your Guapo needs(/url) (url="http://"http://insanekp.tripod.com")The Insane Klown Posse Website!!!(/url) (url="http://"http://www.ambrosiasw.com/cgi-bin/vftp/dl-redirect.pl?path=evo/guides&file;=TechFolder.sit")Captain Canardley Ableson's Technical Guide to the EV/O Universe(/url)
Cute story, with a lot of potential. I really see good things happening if only you'd sit down for an hour and go through it again.
------------------ Visit the (url="http://"http://www.ambrosiasw.com/cgi-bin/ubb/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&number;=20&SUBMIT;=Go")Chronicles(/url) today! Be sure to read the short story ' (url="http://"http://www.ambrosiasw.com/cgi-bin/ubb/newsdisplay.cgi?action=topics &number;=20&forum;=*EV/EVO+chronicles&DaysPrune;=100&article;=000262&startpoint;=")Fiery Descent(/url)'! (url="http://"http://www.zhouj.net/Forum")AP^3(/url)| ||(url="http://"http://www.cwssoftware.com")Sephil Saga(/url)| ||(url="http://"http://www.aznt.com/EVN/EVNEW")EVNEW(/url)
It was a decent start. I think it suffered more from the straightforwardness of labeling literally everything. The details were also a bit lacking.
Hi everyone. It's been a long time. I hope you didn't miss me overly much.
------------------ Man, have pity on man
Quote
Originally posted by Jas86: **
**
Who are you again?
Yes, I missed you. Let me take another shot.
------------------ Proud member of (url="http://"http://www.evula.org/aftermath/")CMSV-X(/url).
Sorry, I don't remember when I posted that thing, so I probably should have checked in sooner. Thanks for the tips, PS if you see some of my other stories on the web that aren't finished, and you like them, you could probably finish them if you wanted, since I will probably forget all about them. Thanks, hope you like my stuff.