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Here's the next part of Joson's story. 'Nuff said.
Joson watched as Rear Admiral Kikusa Zikayra walked down the row of hospital beds that lined the slender hall of the main aide station on Viking, just one of the generic aide stations that was akin to all of the others like it across the galaxy. Joson had seen so many of these aide stations, had visited his friends here, and even helped load the dearly departed Lee with supplies. For some reason, though, this was the last place he expected to be, especially laying in a bed recovering from frostbite. He watched the admiral stroll down toward him. Every time he came to a man he would reach into a small mahogany box that his aide carried and retrieve the small token of gratitude from the Federation Navy, the Purple Heart. Joson felt a small twinge of disappointment as he realized he would not receive one, since his wounds were not directly caused by enemy action. His disappointment fled from his mind when he looked to his right. There, right beside him, was the cotton rapped face of a man. He breathed heavily through a plastic mask, and Joson looked down to see one of his arms were missing.
Joson was surprised to see the admiral open the man's footlocker and place the Purple Heart next to three others that were already there. The admiral looked at the man for a second before moving on to Joson. "What's the matter with you, Lieutenant?" he asked softly.
Joson lifted his bandaged fingers, "Frostbite, sir."
"Hurts, doesn't it. I had it quite a few times myself," Admiral Zikayra paused for a moment before continuing in soft solemnity, "Lieutenant, I need experienced officers to lead a new group. You come see me after the Doc lets you go."
"Yessir," was Joson's reply. He gave the admiral a sharp salute, and the admiral returned it before moving on to the next bed.
"A new group? Sounds like you're f-cked, buddy," said a voice to his left. He turned and saw the young face of an enlisted man.
"You're talking to an officer, seaman," was his reply, mostly because the kid was right.
Joson walked into the musty office of Admiral Zikayra. The admiral was not present, so he sat down. He looked at the numerous plaques, banners, and medals that clung to the walls of the small office. "They are not my most honorable," said a commanding voice.
Joson shot up from his seat at attention, "Sir."
"At ease."
"Where would the honorable ones be, sir?"
"My home. The Arizona. She's undergoing a refit on Earth."
"Sir, why am I here?"
"Down to business already? A bit antsy, Lieutenant."
"No sir, I just want to know my reasons for being here."
The admiral smiled, "Of course,"He then turned somber, "You know that the navy is low on experienced officers, yes?"
"Yes sir, but I've only been on one cruise, and I almost bought it, sir. I am not 'experienced.'"
"You have more experience than three-fourths the officers under my command. The fact also remains that you're still alive," the admiral sighed deeply before continuing. "The Brass wants an 'Exploratory Mission' out past the Outbound System. They actually possess the stupidity to open a front on the Polaris border," he looked down at the tiled office floor before saying Joson's purpose, "I want you to command one of the ships going out there."
"Sh-t," said Joson.
The whiteness of hyperspace still mesmerized Joson. The swirling shades of white always made him realize that he was only a small part of the universe. "Sir, we're approaching the exit point into Outbound."
"All right, Mr. Shills, sit down," said Joson patiently, "We need to wait for orders from the Arizona before we do anything."
"Sorry, sir."
"Exiting hyperspace in five...four...three...two...one, mark," spoke the soft female voice of the shipboard computer. On cue, the white shifted to black and Vrenna was visible before them. The Arizona shot into existence above the Ukulele and rushed out in front of the eight ship battle group. The Ukulele and the Arizona were the only two carriers. The six destroyers hypered in and formed up with the carriers a scant second later.
Joson sat down in the captain's chair, ready to give his orders, but he could not speak. He felt no pain, just a sort of pressure against the back of his mind. 'You should not have come here,' echoed a voice, seemingly from everywhere. He looked around the bridge and saw that no one else had heard the voice.
Sweat forced itself into his eyes, and he blinked to rid himself of the stinging. "All hands to battle stations," he sputtered. The bridge glowed deep red under the orders.
'What is your purpose for coming here?' it asked, the same piercing voice.
'You already know,' thought Joson. The lights on the bridge turned a pulsing red. Out past the red glow, out the view screen, and into space, he saw space ripple around a point.
'We know, but do you?'
Joson thought for a moment, but could not come up with a satisfactory answer. 'I did not think so,' echoed the voice. The ripple approached the group of ships.
'I am only following my orders,' thought Joson, 'we all are.'
'So am I.'
The ripple stopped moving at 10,000 meters away from the group of vessels, but more appeared from the dark side of Vrenna. The comm beeped loudly in the silence of the bridge. "Meerza, it's Zikayra."
"Yessir?"
"Do you see that?"
"Yessir."
Did you hear..."
"Yessir," the comm clicked off after Joson finished.
"Hear what, sir? We didn't hear anything," asked the same kid from the hospital.
"What's your name, son?" asked Joson
"Gree...Yosfer."
"We're both f-cked, kid," said the bitter voice of Joson.
The ripple became one with the visible spectrum of light. "Polaris dragon, sir!"
The dragon accelerated to flank speed toward the lead destroyer. The destroyer opened fire with its missiles and defensive batteries, but the dragon barrel rolled over the wall of fire. She opened fire with a bright red beam of light and heat, which proceeded to cut through the shields of the destroyer before slicing into the armor.
The destroyer listed over 40 degrees as oxygen vented out. Sporadic bursts of blaster fire pinged off the dragon's shields from the wounded ship, but it remained unaffected and it whipped around. Another burst of laser caused the destroyer to detonate into orange and blue flame.
Ukulele kept firing on the dragon as it turned for her. Her bridge grabbed onto their control panels and arm rests with fear, all except Joson. He gave the crew their orders in his realization that he would soon be dead. He placed his hand on his brow and awaited the inevitable.
The dragon propelled itself toward the bridge of Ukulele. It grew ever more large in the view screen, and the crew held their breaths in the absolute fear that flashed through every man on the ship. Joson did not feel this lack of respiratory function, "Target the ion cannons and heavy blasters onto the target," was all he said. The crew only responded by doing what they were told.
The heavy blasters rotated with the groaning of fiber steel. Their black barrels pointed at the incoming vessel, and opened fire. The resounding recoil rocked all 2000 tons worth of carrier and smacked into the dragon's shields with monstrous violence. The dragon still continued on through the onslaught.
The ion cannon glowed to its full charge and lighted the space around them in an eerie blue glow. 'I am sorry,'thought Joson.
'I am not on that ship,' said the voice right before the ion cannon ripped into the dragon's shields, and the shields gave out in minutes. The ion cannon then dug into the organic hull.
The cannon's energy ran out after only a few seconds, but the blasters kept firing throughout it all. A blaster bolt smashed into the port wing causing fire to sprout outwards from the gaping hole. The dragon was now only a hundred meters away.
More bolts punched into the armor, until the port wing sheared completely sheared off making the dragon to spiral to starboard. She flipped over Ukulele to the ultimate relief to the crew, except Joson. 'I am still sorry,' he thought.
The dragon detonated on the other side of Ukulele, and she rocked forward from the shockwave.
'You are forgiven. You are the only true human here.'
He wondered what the voice meant by that, but had little time. A ripple became a ship behind the Arizona.
"Admiral! Behind you!" Joson screamed into the comm.
Joson was in vain as a purple beam from the spider-like ship knifed through the weakened shields of the Arizona. He watched as the beam melted through her hull and burst out of the forward fighter bay with fury of pure heat. Arizona exploded into flaming fiber steel.
Joson did the only thing he thought he could do, "All remaining ships retreat immediately."
The three ships that remained turned away from Vrenna and entered hyperspace, but Ukulele did not.
'Why do you remain?' spoke the voice.
'Duty. I must look for survivors.'
Without warning, light spread over the dark form of a ship. Massive, and fearsome, but beautiful. The crew let their breaths leave their lungs, but Joson did not fear. The raven stood still in space.
'We leave you then. Tell your federation: never again.' With that, the raven turned and disappeared into the light world of hyperspace.
Hours past by as Ukulele scanned the void for any who survived, and yet he doubted. "Sir, an e-pod emergency signal detected at forty thousand meters."
"Move in and prepare for pickup," said Joson.
The e-pod spun through space, and the carrier moved closer until she was upon the spherical object.
The e-pod opened, and six crewmen fell out.
"Jesus Christ! Get the Doc!" cried out Yosfer.
A tugging on his pant leg grabbed Joson's attention. "From the...the...admiral," Joson looked down and in his outstretched hand was a small book. The crewman holding it fell to the floor in a heap.
Joson opened to the last page in the book and saw the writing:
And as I walk through the valley There is no evil for I am the only one who is because I have the power to kill.
"Get medical attention for these men, and enter hyperspace," was Joson's last order before the Outbound system was just a star in the past.
(This message has been edited by moderator (edited 07-01-2003).)
Very cool, but the ending is a little bit confusing.
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Quote
Originally posted by EVula: **Very cool, but the ending is a little bit confusing.
**
I second EVula.
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Very poetic, just your style. I like it, even though I never write like that. The ending's just fine.
New one from me coming soon, probably, by the way.
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I've read several of your pieces before, and I've always enjoyed the artistry that you've put into your writing. Your descriptions and character interactions are done very well; I think you possess a great deal of writing skill. Therefore, I hope you will excuse me when I fix a nit-picky lens on your writing, as your writing tends to already be highly polished.
In my opinion, this piece is slightly weaker than your Wild Geese submissions, in part due to the fact that the supporting characters are a somewhat less rounded. In "Winged Devils", the only character I felt I had an attachment to is Joson, though this might be intentional. However, I feel that the admiral should be fleshed out more in order to make the ending a bit more dramatic.
The comparison to your Wild Geese tales may be an unfair one, though, because "Winged Devils" is sort of a "middle-child", and thus contains less character development. Even so, my impression is that Peter is more "human" than Joson; Joson seems akin to a vehicle from which the story is viewed; there is less emotional investment in Joson.
Now, super nit-pickity lens aside, I'm very much looking for future submissions. Good stories always leave me begging for more.
i second that, all of everyone. its a very well thought out and developed story for its length. now, Astyanax was saying there was less emotion and not as much attachment with joson than peter, i haven't read the other story yet, so i cant make too many judgements, but i do feel that joson was likable enough. i'll propabaly post another reply when i can give a better statement (after reading the story with this 'peter' fellow in it...)
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I wouldn't say this is a worse story...just that it has a different focus than "Peter's Story". Here (imho) Jas seems to be focusing on a more limited third person perspective...heading intensively into what Joson is thinking and feeling, and excluding the others, 'cause he, how's Joson supposed to know?
Jas: One way you might want to expand the story (if you ever want to) is to go a bit more into the "frostbite". How'd he get it, where'd he get it...you could fit a bit more character development in there.
As per the admiral, the last section of the story seems to suggest that Adm. Zikayra is an egomaniac or something like that. Possibly make him a little larger than life...a few comments suggesting he's a psychotic nutcase. How he never lets facts or crew get in the way of the mission. It would make the last part fit even better - Joson's saving crewmembers, which is something Zik would never have done, and the crewman hands Joson a last reminder of exactly who the Admiral was.
Cheers, Guapo
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Hm, I think I owe Jas86 an apology for being somewhat overcritical. I was under the (misguided) notion that it was necessary for me to find something to comment on in the name of constructive criticism and all... but I was really splitting hairs! To clarify, I enjoyed reading this piece! Instead of using "better" and "worse", though, let me just say that "Peter's Flight" was more emotionally powerful to me. (part of all my wordiness in this forum is for me to practice expressing myself) I really think, though, that your character interactions are very convincing, no matter the story.
ElGuapo7: Wow, you're pretty good at expressing yourself! I really agree with your comments about the admiral though, but I could never have stated it so clearly.
EDIT- clarification
(This message has been edited by Astyanax (edited 07-31-2003).)
Originally posted by Astyanax: **
I could really get to like the people on this board...
Thanks, Astyanax - just long practice. I wrote some stuff on the Banter and Brawl, and I have a story waiting in line for publication here: It's called "Yesterday's Frontiers".
The ones on the B&B; were Darkest Hour, Slow Reading Story, and "#ev3 in the 23rd Century".
(Bit o' self promotion, sorry - can't let EVula have all the fun!
you have a unique way of writing, Much more poetic then me(although that's not saying much) I enjoyed it. I really don't have much more to say. Well done!
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