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Across the Void
I decided I needed to get away from the Geese for at least a while. I wrote this one maybe as a start to another story line, or maybe just for the hell of it. Enjoy.
Jamir's tears splashed against the fiber steel flooring that comprised the engineering section of the Heavy Missile Destroyer Lee, causing eerie dripping sounds to echo across the large room. The tears rolled down the hallowed face of engineer first class Jamir Jalal. His face was deeply furrowed from a combination of age and war. His brown eyes sunk deeply into his skull. Jamir looked into Thomas' pale face, bloodied and burned from the beating the destroyer took. Jamir placed his hand upon Thomas' cold forehead before sliding it down, sealing Thomas' eyes forever. "Goodbye," whispered Jamir.
Jamir finally contemplated his grieving mind what course of action to take, make his way to the bridge. Jamir also finally realized that the structural integrity of Lee had to be approaching critical. He took one last look at Thomas before moving through the pressure door into one of the many fiber steel halls that stretched across the ship. Jamir was still wiping the tears from his eyes when he found an actual, intact computer console. The keys clicked softly under the pressure of his fingers. He fumbled with the keys until he finally found information on Lee. Some of the external cameras were still functional. He pressed yet more keys, and the bow camera's glass eye swiveled around toward the stern. He held his head, and almost began to cry again when he saw the massive amount of damage his beloved ship had taken. It was almost too much, and much more extensive than he first realized. There were huge, charred holes and impact craters marking the deck; most likely from the pulse cannons of the Auroran Carrier and fighters that had attacked them.
He was even more moved by the gaping holes that opened the bridge itself out into space. 'God almighty,' he thought.
Joson stumbled about inside Storage Locker Four, bridge. Joson's lungs forced breaths of what little icy oxygen remained upon the bridge. Luckily for Joson, the emergency shielding sealed the numerous holes that pocked the bridge. Second Lieutenant Joson Meerza, just assigned helmsman of the Heavy Missile Destroyer Lee, struggled in fear when the ship tore apart beneath him, now struggled with renewed fear, certainly alone. His young face was marked by a look of frantic fear as he looked around with his blue eyes at shattered deck, weapons, and people, "F-cking Christ!" he screamed out in a combination of fear, sorrow, and agony.
"Christ, Christ, Christ, Christ . . ."
Jamir ascended Ladder Shaft Seven, destination: the bridge. Jamir swung down onto shattered, destroyed, decimated bridgedeck, almost losing hope that anyone would still be clinging to life. He tripped over something when he began to walk. Jamir turned, finding a dead marine. He was young, almost too young to be part of the Federation Military, but yet he was here. His eyes were closed and his hair was sticky with caked on blood. Peter looked around the body until he found a blaster rifle, still with a full charge. He scooped it off the deck with great eagerness. Jamir moved through the remnants of the bridge, slowly searching for a sign of anyone. "Thank Jesus," croaked Joson.
Jamir pointed the blaster in Joson's direction. Joson let out a squeal, "Thank God buddy! Thought there ain't anybody else!"
Joson calmed slightly, "There isn't."
"That doesn't matter," Jamir lied, "What we need to move to the escape pods."
"Yeah okay," said Joson, almost elated, "This. . . this your first cruise?"
Jamir's head shook, "Number thirty-six."
"Well. . . uhhhhh, this is my first."
"Great, but that doesn't matter either," Jamir lied yet again, "Let's just move." Joson nodded and they began moving back toward Ladder Seven. "Wait here," said Jamir, "I'll go done and make sure it's all clear." Jamir grasped the ladder's sides and slid down with ease. He found the Escape deck. He leaped off the ladder onto intact deck. Jamir looked around for any signs of life. Jamir heard the whooshing sounds before Lee shifted beneath his feet. "Boarded," popped into Jamir's head. "Lieutenant," yelled Jamir up the shaft, "Down here, quick!"
"Okay," shouted Joson. He appeared from the shaft moments later. "What-"
"We've been boarded," said Jamir. Footsteps sounded from above them, forming tiny metallic thuds. Jamir pointed the rifle upward the shaft, waiting for the intruders to peek down the shaft. Peter fired when a tattooed face came into view. A stream of yellow, globular plasma bolts tore through Auroran armor and into flesh, screams followed. "Lieutenant, get to the pods!"
Joson proceeded as he was told to the escape bay. Jamir fired a few more bursts up the shaft before running toward the pods as well. Instead of going there directly, he found another console. He played with the keys until the silent self-destruct was initiated. Jamir ran over to find Joson already in the only one man pod that remained. "What's-" Jamir slammed the E-pod door shut. Joson looked into Jamir's eyes and deeply wrinkled face, but the e-pod propelled itself into the void.
Joson cursed Jamir, but only heard himself. Jamir stared at the E-pod as it faded into the distance. Jamir was cross-checked by an Auroran. "Well, a feddy scourge, now you die."
"Yeah, no sh-t," said Jamir. Then everything turned to white, then black.
Joson smacked his head against the interior of the e-pod as Lee exploded into orange flame, flying metal, plus taking the Cruiser that boarded her with. Joson curled into fetal position, muttering the same word over and over again, "Christ, Christ, Christ, Christ . . ."
(This message has been edited by moderator (edited 05-27-2003).)
(This message has been edited by Jas86 (edited 05-27-2003).)
Very cool. Good and gritty, I liked it.
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It seem I got my two storylines confused.
------------------ Man have pity on man
Interesting story, but who exactly is Peter? You mentioned him in the 2nd paragraph. Is that a different name for the Jamir character?
-Vaumnou
------------------ Did you know that 63.8% of quoted statistics are made up on the spot? "He's too late. SEE?!? THE CLIFFS OF INSANITY!!! Hurry up!" "You see, wire telegraph is a kind of a very, very long cat. You pull his tail in New York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles. .... Radio operates exactly the same way: you send signals here, they receive them there. The only difference is that there is no cat." - Albert Einstein
Like I said, I was getting my stories confused. :redface:
Well, it's still nice and tragic.
------------------ I had a (url="http://"http://forums.evula.com/viewforum.php?f=6")dream(/url) that I had about a (url="http://"http://evula.com")dozen(/url) (url="http://"http://www.ambrosiasw.com/cgi-bin/ubb/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&number;=56&SUBMIT;=Go")links(/url) here. (url="http://"http://www.ambrosiasw.com/cgi-bin/ubb/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&number;=6&SUBMIT;=Go")Mostly(/url) to other (url="http://"http://www.ambrosiasw.com/cgi-bin/ubb/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&number;=20&SUBMIT;=Go")places(/url) on this (url="http://"http://www.ambrosiasw.com/cgi-bin/ubb/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&number;=1")site(/url). (url="http://"http://www.ambrosiasw.com/cgi-bin/ubb/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&number;=10&SUBMIT;=Go")Weird(/url).
Frickin Spectacular Jas86, and of the high quality all of us have come to expect from you. A new and interesting storyline, a new look at a game feature, all is welcome and well done.
If I were to offer any advise, it would be this. Giving a character a last name allows you to avoid any problems with using their name too much. When I read over yours, I noted the numbers but also that there was no possible grammatical alterations. Even a nickname...(piratesbane ) helps break up any overusage.
The only other thing is the ending. I may be a sick mother so when I write a tragic story, I usually like to really grind it in. Having Joson's life pod give out as he blasted away, consinging him to a terrible and slow death would have been...sick...but fun. May the gods of literature rest my troubled soul!
------------------ Did you know that at any moment, a semi-molten iron nickle rock could fall from the sky and brain you? Damn my neck hurts! (url="http://"mailto:wolf-sigma@excite.com")mailto:wolf-sigma@excite.com(/url)wolf-sigma@excite.com
Quote
Originally posted by Wolf-sigma:
...and I questioned why so few people come in here.
Yeah... this was pretty good! (Just need to use some more pronouns or something, but that's aready been said.) Anyway, the storyline was cool; I liked the action.
------------------ I'm not trying to strangle you... this is just an extremely violent neck massage.
I've been reading the Peter's flight stories, and they were very good. This one is better. I would say it seems a lot more 'hardcore' than you others, if you get what I mean. Like EVula said, it's gritty, which I like. Also there is that utter hopelessness (sp?) about it aswell. Top quality story, keep up the good work.
TheRedeemer
------------------ - "Children today are tyrants. They contradict their parents, gobble their food, and tyrannize their teachers." Socrates 460-399 BC. Some things never change! - Yes, I do have a sense of humour, I just can't remember where I left it. - Warning - High levels of dry sarcasm.
You missed a Peter.
Nice story. Bit weak here and there (exactly why and what is Jamir lying about?) but nice.
Guapo
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