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Wolf 359 System
A Class D Pirate Starbridge warped into the system and before anyone realized it was there, cloaked and flew towards the star in the system. As it pulled up close to the star a strange device moved out of the ship and started toward the star....
Captain Pierce Castone walked through the streets of New England on his way to the shipyard. As he arrived he was greeted by his first mate, Larry Odin.
"Hello Larry, how have you been?" Pierce asked.
"I've been doing ok Captain. Glad to see you again," he said as they hugged. "I here you've traded in that old Valkyrie for something better. What have you got now?"
"Larry, you're going to love this. I was on my way to South Manchester when a Pirate Manticore comes along and drills holes up and down my ship. I manage to get to Cornwall and I met up with someone who said he had a Class E Starbridge for sale! I checked out the ship and it was in fine condition so now we're flying a Starbridge."
"Well I'll be," Larry said. "Congratulations my man, now what do you say I get a look at this beauty?"
Pirate Starbridge
Three scientists began moving the device with the control panels inside the ship. The Captain of the Starbridge overlooked them.
"Is it in position?" the captain questioned.
"Ready for release, Captain," one of the scientists said.
"Release the chemicals and prepare to fire the beam." The captain ordered, and walked back to the bridge.
Star Surveillance Building
"Commander," one of the surveillance monitors said. "Come take a look at this."
"What is it?" the commander inquired.
"Something just appeared on the scanners, some kind of gas just came out of no where and is around the star."
"It's probably just radiation, don't worry about it."
"All right," he replied with uncertainty.
Pierce's Starbridge
"Mighty fine ship Pierce, you always managed to get your hands on the nice ones. So where are we off to?" Larry asked.
"Well, we're on are way to pickup a shipment of Metal from Mars and than get it to Viking."
"What? No smuggling or bounty hunting? I'm disappointed in you!" Larry said and nudged Pierce.
"Yeah, well unless you feel like getting blown to hell than you can go ahead, but I'm not losing this baby quite yet."
"Chemical is set, Beam being charged." the scientist told the captain over the comms.
"Fire when ready and take us out of range so we can get out," the captain replied.
Pierce's Starbridge flew out of the dock and into space.
"Now this is a nice smooth ride," Larry remarked at the helm.
"Take us to Hyperspace jump distance" Pierce ordered.
The Starbridge flew to the distance when suddenly the Pirate Starbridge de-cloaked and fired the beam towards the area of the chemicals. The chemicals ignited and a brilliant flash blinded everyone in the system.
"What's going on?" Pierce yelled as the ship jolted.
"A Pirate Starbridge has de-cloaked off the port bow! A weapon was fired at the star! Oh my god! The star is deteriorating! An F-3 Shockwave is spreading through the system!" one of the science officers yelled.
"Get us out of here Larry!" Pierce shouted.
Pierce watched and saw the Pirates zip out of the system. A shuttle craft tried to escape the ring of fire but was engulfed in flames and destroyed. Fed Anacondas and Valkries tried to out run it, but only two managed to escape the ring. A Fed Destroyer pushed their engine speed to the limit but was still to slow to escape. Escape pods zipped out of the ship but the pods had no where to go and ignited.
"Go go go!!!!" Pierce shouted as the shockwave came closer and closer.
"We're far enough from the center of the system!" Larry yelled.
"Punch it!" Pierce screamed as the shockwave came within inches of their hull. They shot out of the system just as The shockwave tore into the planet, causing it to shake with the force of 9 times a nuclear explosion. Fires erupted all over the planet. Homes were crushed, buildings were toppled, only small parts of the planet escaped destruction. The once beautiful planet was wrecked.
As rescue ships from Sol came in for assistance a message buoy was located. The only thing it said was: "The terrorists are back...."
(This message has been edited by moderator (edited 09-09-2002).)
Cool story, but I didn't care for the bouncing around very much. It would have been nice if you had just stuck with one course of events, then shifted to another. The reader would have gotten the hint that they were happening at the same time if you clued them in.
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I like your writing. Only thing I see is that you might want to work a little on yo speelin'. Only a couple of questions. One, just who is this Pierce guy, and two, why should a group of terrorists care about Wolf 359? The Rebels don't even know that it's Bureau HQ until near the end of the string.
------------------ “You’re only given a little spark of madness. You mustn’t lose it.” -- Robin Williams
This is gay. Don't write anymore.
Quote
Originally posted by criticizer: This is gay. Don't write anymore.
Thank you you very much. I'm surprised that i've gotten comments and i'm glad to see some bastard who thinks he's cool because he's unregistered thinks my writing sucks. Always a pleasure to revive **** from a guy with no life.
Well I'll take into account what you said EVula, if I ever finish it.
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I not sure I agree with Evula on this one. Actually I tend to use a little of bouncing around in my stories. It helps to spread the story and locate seperate areas of importance. However, if you are going to do it, you need to make sure people understand that the shift has happened and they are now reading about something different but related. Try to really lay on the descriptive stuff too because people will notice that.
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