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(Posted 5-11-2000)
Captain Moses Itkonen awoke with a start from his mid-afternoon nap to the piercing klaxons of the Iron Fist. Startled, he sat up abruptly, striking his head against the low bulkhead over his bunk. He winced with pain and fell back as he reached up with a hand to feel the wound on his scalp. "Ive got to get someone to fix that." Sitting up warily, he swung his legs over the edge of his bunk and glanced around his dimly lit quarters. Without warning, the ship rocked, pitching the captain from his bunk onto the hard metal floor, where he skidded several feet before coming to a halt. "This is not my day." Groaning, he picked himself up off the cold deck and brushed off his wrinkled leisure suit. Pulsating warning lights bathing him in a reddish glow. An overhead panel erupted in a shower of sparks as the ship was hit once more. He shielded himself with his arms as the burning cinders bounced off him. Scathed, but otherwise unharmed, he stumbled towards a nearby chair, frantically reaching for his uniform. As he was pulling on the one-piece outfit, the ship was hit again, and he was sent sprawling onto the floor. Over the comm he heard a frantic voice. Captain to the bridge! Were under attack! "Great." He got up and walked over to the doorway, pressing a glowing button off to the side. The door slid open with a loud hiss, and instantly his quarters were filled with noxious clouds of fumes and intense heat. Crewmembers dashed past him, carrying equipment and shouting orders to each other. Lungs burning, he ran up the narrow, smoke-filled hallway towards the turbolift.
Captain Itkonen burst out of the turbolift and onto the bridge, doubled over and coughing from the vapors. Captain! One of the crew ran over to him and helped him into his plush command chair, situated in the center of the large room. It was alive with men running from station to station, blinking lights illuminating their fear stricken faces. Rubbing his stinging eyes, he gazed up at the large viewscreen before him. It was filled by two massive ships, dragon-like in appearance, which he recognized as Turncoats, a popular vessel amongst renegades. How the hell did they catch us off guard? One of his lieutenants came over. Sir, we were in orbit of Sumer when the renegade vessels came out from the dark side of the planet and took us by suprise. Our turrets were disabled and we had breaches on decks 3 and 4 before we even knew what was happening. Casualty reports are still coming in. Moses grimaced. Shield status? The lieutenant ran over to a nearby terminal and shouted over the klaxons, Shields are at 36% and dropping, sir! The ship rocked from another hit. Lieutenant, are the Search And Destroy launchers still operational? Yes sir! A conduit exploded behind one of the terminals and sent a crewmember sprawling backwards. Get a medical team down here! As the lieutenant rushed back, the ship pitched with another explosion and he was knocked to the floor. Moses gripped his chairs armrests for support. Get us out of here lieutenant!
To be continued...
Hey, if you guys like this story so far, let me know and I'll continue writing!
(This message has been edited by moderator (edited 05-11-2000).)
Hmm. . .very good. I'd give it a 9 out of a 10. For me, that's actually very good. The kind of critic I am is something that is very hard to get a 10 with.
It's suspense is good. The lines of the crewmen are unfailing, and the way the story is written is an overall style that blows my mind. Keep writing more!
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I really like your story because it has lots of action. It's very, VERY nicely written, and has good grammar. It's one of the best stories I've ever seen! I say that you should keep writing! I can't wait till you publish the next part of you story!
(This message has been edited by Captain Carnotaur (edited 06-01-2000).)
Come on! A Crescent Warship (or something with SADs) is getting beat up by two turncoats? keep at it. Make the chapters a little longer, or put two of them together. Don't forget a plot ( I know, it's hard, but right now it seems like just an action story). Keep up the good work.
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Cool story, going to post anymore? Probably not, but worth a shot.
------------------ A scholar's ink lasts much longer than a martyr's blood. - Irish proverb.
Quote
Originally posted by Zacha K: **Come on! A Crescent Warship (or something with SADs) is getting beat up by two turncoats? **
If it's in EVO 1.0.2, where SAD's are useless, it could happen.
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