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Downfall of the UFOs - Chapter 1, has been released on the (url="http://"http://www.AmbrosiaSW.com/cgi-bin/ubb/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&number;=24&SUBMIT;=Go")Avara Chronicles(/url) page!
Prologue:
This story takes place before when you actually play Avara. When this took place, UFOs were a major threat. They and their ships and were everwhere, always making attacks and raids. Thousands died in this Terran/Martian War as some people called it. In this galaxy, the only space ships are small colony pods that go from planet to planet carry cargo, supplies, colonists, etc. The main method of transportation is by HECTOR, and by teleporters. There are also Galactic Teleporters, which can teleport things from planet to planet.
So go on, have fun reading, and (url="http://"http://www.AmbrosiaSW.com/webboard/Forum24/HTML/000006.html")Post(/url)!
-Captain Carnotaur
------------------ To Escape Velocity: Nova and Beyond! -------------- Millennium. Its coming, prepare for it. Coming to the (url="http://"http://www.ambrosiaSW.com/games/ev/chronicles.html")EV Chronicles(/url).
Well, it's my story, and it's not getting much publicity, so I'll just say I think it's very good. After all, it IS my own story.
well... um. I actually haven't had time to finish the story yet (just started reading it, but I've got to go soon so...), but so far two things stick out: a lot of it is simple chronology, with "and then" or "then" used a lot. Also, it seems similar to the style of Herodotus (ancient Greek historian), whom I have to read for school and I can't stand any more of. Basically, the part I read consited of a small introduction followed by wanton carnage. There was no point; simply the ufo's against us, with "us" being loosely defined as HECTORS. I killed a ufo with a grenade and two missiles. Then two of ours got killed. After that four more ufo's attacked us. (I'm paraphrasing, of course.) The problem with this is that there is nothing to grab the reader. It simply outlines the statistics of a battle (what my friend Herodotus is rather fond of. "And the Midians had 200 camels, 600 elephants, 1200 mounted cavalry, ...."), and it gets tiresome very quickly. It needs to be spiced up with either more action (whats happening to you HECTOR? Are your systems possibly failing? Also, working out plausible explanations for such things as "picking up ammo" might help), or more personability. You can't just jump into a story about "you" and "red clan". Develope the main character, as well as several supporting characters. Well, I've been rather critical here... but I hope that some of it helps. It's constructive, honest! (You'll notice I don't write stories. I've neither the time nor the impulse to make the time, and I won't even mention my lack of creative talent...) The best of luck in your continuing saga!
<edited comment> ack, I suppose I should have posted this under your story... oh well, too late now.
------------------ "I want Karma!" "I want karma!" "I want Karma!" "I want karma!"
(This message has been edited by rebelswin_85 (edited 04-06-2001).)
Don't worry, I agree, it's not a very interesting story. That's because I wrote it a LONG time ago. Part 2 will be much more interesting.