The Commander(part 1)

A story that i am making for fun enjoy!

Chapter one, The Assignment

It is my second Earth year of working for the federation, tomorrow is my promotion ceremony. I was recently a Federation RAGE Gunboat commander of 3 men. Tomorrow I am being promoted to the general of a Destroyer for my brave combat against the Auroran threat.

Buzz, Buzz, Buzz went my antique electric alarm clock. I got up out of my bed and starting getting dressed, careful not to knock over my box full of cloths and my personal positions. Finally I can make a difference I thought, I will actually have a ship that has enough firepower to eliminate most ships. I lifted the box onto my hover cart and I carefully stepped through the airlock of my cabin and then I exited the ship, stopping only to lock the ship and power it down. I said goodbye to my old ship. I went into the very brightly lit airlock tunnel and I headed to the elevator. 10...9.....8.... The elevator finally stopped at level 1, ground level. Awaiting me was a shiny black hover car with elegant sidings and low noise hover jets. The driver took my box with my positions and put it into the trunk while I got into the car. The driver got in and started driving to the Federation headquarters.
After about one hour of traffic we reached the headquarters of the federation and T got out, the driver passed me my box and my hover cart and I headed towards the big oak doors of the building, since 2090 all the trees on earth were burned by the great fire. Earths climate was turned upside down and forced man to build space vehicles that could bring them to a new safe planet until the Earth problem was fixed. Oak is a very rare, very expensive wood. I entered and asked the receptionist where my ceremony is. She said it is on the 5th floor. I walked into the elevator and I told the computer the floor I wanted to go to. Ding, the bell rang and the door opened. The high general in charge of promotions greeted me and he told me a little about my new ship and that I would be in charge of 50 crewmembers. He led me into a room and onto a stage in front of the 50 crew members of my new ship. “Hello soldiers, I am the commander of the Federation Destroyer “The Elephona”. I finished my speech and then I was lead to my ship. The ship was located on a landing pad just out side of the room. The ship looked so nice, with its new LR-034D engines. I was handed a small controller from a marine and i pressed the lower elevator button. An elevator slowly came down out of the hull of the ship and it stopped just near the ground. I stepped in and I was raised up into the control room and a lutenient was waiting to lead me to my cabin. I walked down the long corridor noticing that there was not one spec of dirt or rust in the inside of the ship. The lutenient told me that my room is here. I walked into my room and looked around I noticed a small computer and I went to it, it had controls for the heating and cooling of my room and it told me a description of my room. “The new 570-DGF cabin is an escape pod, the cabin will automatically eject if the ship is destroyed.”

I saw my box in the corner, someone must have brought it up. I placed the picture of my parents on the desk next to my bed, my parents were killed by an Aurorian attack. I put my clothes in my dresser and then I left my room. Crew members were busily scuring about making the final preparations before our maiden voyage. A soldier came up to me and saluted me, “sir we need you on the cammand deck”. All right I replied. I went through the long corridor that led to the command room. A voice came over the inter come saying “welcom commander, I am Vanessa the ships computer, I am in charge of your safty and the safty of all the 50 crew members. If you have any questions just say.. Vanesa Question: and state your question. Thank you commander and have a nice day”.
I took my seat and I issued the order to take off. I felt the ships engines turn on and the ship started to rumble while the heavy boosters where being ignited. Ive always found the hum of the engines rather suthing. Earth base this is the commander of the Elephona what will our orders be? Over...Static....we...eed...you.... Sorry, we need immediate back up in in the Tichel system from a group of pirates who are planning to kill innocent civilians.We jummped into the tichel system un aware of the trap that was awaiting us. 3 pirate carriers and 6 thunder heads were suprised to see us. Suddenly an alarm was blaring and I shouted everone to combat positions, this is going to be a though scrape! Sheils 80%...sheilds 50%... shields 30%.... Sheilds 1%....Vanesa: Everyone evacuate, evacuate. I started running to my escape pod when suddenly the alarms stopped and Vanasa said: Threat eliminated.... Evacuation canceled. Vanesa question: What the hell was that?!?!? Vanasa tell everone to try to fix the damage the ship has taken and to return to the cammand deck. I wlked slowely down the long corridor witch now had papers and lots of mess lieng about. I sat back in my seat and asked for a dammage report. “sir, we havent been dammaged much our shields are at 42% and we lost one engine but the other 3 are fine.”. Good , I will now report this incident to head quaters. This is commander of the Elephona, over. Static..., Repeat.. this is the camander of the Elephona...... More static hmm... Vanesa Question: is the radio dammaged? “no sir the radio is 100% operational.” Danm what the hell is this? Why is head qaters not responding?

100 years later...

Sir there is a old Destroyer class vessel over there. Should we take a look? Ok. The small cargo transporter docked with the destroyed ship and borded. Sir lets go explore. Hey mu-anrada I feel a strange feeling abored this ship. Yea me too. A shadowy figure slowly approached the two polaris pilots and said greetings I am the cammander of the Elephona are you sent from the federation? To resque us? Mu-anrada go turn on the light while I talk to the cammander. Mu-anrada swithced on the emergency lights of the old destroyer. The cammander took a step foward and he was transparent. What kind of alien are you? The cammander replied, I am human of course. Hey Mu-arnada I think this is a ghost from human legend. How did you die cammander? He replied I am certanly not dead I am the cammander of this glorios ship! My and my 50 crew members were attacked in the Tichel system by pirates. Our ship was saved somehow and our lives as well. We need company why dont you stay? Suddenly the light went out and the door hatch lock from the out side mu-arnada what is happening?

Just for fun? I like the idea - ghosts in the machine. But you're still in a bit of a hurry. Try to expand it a bit.

This is a decent start for an outline, but you jump over a lot of details and thoughts that (i think) the readers here would find really interesting. Maybe some details on how the Commander went so quickly from a RAGE gunboat to a Destroyer. Maybe some crew, or a battle or three. Some conversations. Things like that.

Cheers,
Guapo

I actually wrote it for my little brother and he is a big escape velocity fan, like me. I wanted to type it fast before he got home. I am currently making a good "newer" version i'll post it in about a week.

Looking forward to reading it.