Short Story Universe: Scrappers.

This is a short story I wrote in about an hour. I'd like suggestions on how to make it alot better. I know it needs work. Hopefully, I can expand on it. Maybe not with these characters, but with something. Enjoy.

Stapaki and Matt were suited up and suspended on the outside of a cargo hauler. Their mobile space station was cruising by far in the background to take its position around a nearby planet. Both had on green suits, which looked used, but reliable.
Matt had a short, fat oxygen tank strapped to his back. On the sides of it were two booster rockets attached. It was an old design, because no one wanted to buy it after all the deaths that design had caused. The mechanics swore they had fixed the problem. On the suit's shoulders were two dim floodlights. His abdomen, chest, and shoulders were armored. He had knee pads attached, with a holster on his right leg. He was strapped to the wall in a sort of cave, on the side of a large shuttle that had a medium cargo hold on the back, making it a cargo ship. Two gate-like doors with metal bars for further protection held them in. Matt's helmet was a cylinder up his head but round at the top, and the painted on icons gave it an older look.
He looked over to Stapaki, who had an armored oxygen tank on the front of him, with a full booster set on his back. He had a concealed gun mount on his right wrist. On the bottom of it was a bar handle for his left hand to grab and stabilize the shots. Stapaki's helmet was more square with a flat, clear view face plate. The top was rounded and the corners seemed to form to each other. Two flashlights were inserted above the face plate.
Wreckage could be seen out the bars as the ship began to slow. Matt, who had the ship to ship communicator, hailed the cargo ship crew to see if they were ready. A green light came on in the room, so Stapaki opened the bar doors. Clinging to the ship, they made their way to another cave-like compartment enclosed by barred doors. Matt looked up at the infinite number of stars that surrounded him. "Hey, pay attention. We've got to open these gates and get over there."
Inside were racks laser saws, rifles, and explosives. Various tools for space construction filled every nook and cranny. Stapaki opened the doors, and handed Matt a rifle. Unlike planetary infantry, these rifles were specially designed for space gloves, and had zero sharp edges, to ensure they would not snag the suit. With Matt holding a rifle and Stapaki placing explosives in the webbings of his suit, they bucked their legs against the cargo ship, floating effortless towards the wreckage.
Once at the hull of the other derelict, Stapaki mounted explosives against weld lines. He placed a detonator and set it. Both fired their boosters and found cover.
The blast went off and Matt readied his rifle. He boosted into the rip in the hull and illuminated the dark crew quarters.
"Looks clear, let's move to the bridge."
"Alright, through there."
They both launched off items towards large metal doors that had a space in the middle that led onto the next compartment. "There's no juice, can you crowbar it?"
"Mine isn't strong enough for that! Let me look for something." In the crew quarters were about a dozen bunks. He pulled the metal frame that held the mattress. "This will do," he inserted in in the crack and braced himself against the door port. He pushed and fired his booster.
The doors opened enough for them to get through. Matt was handed his rifle as Stapaki entered and covered the room with his wrist gun. They read a sign that would have directed them to the bridge, had they needed it. "Alright, we'll take the cockpit, but that'll be all the hauler can hold."
"Okay, I'll light stick the sides. You message the crew."
Matt hailed the crew to tell them they would soon be full and will need to hail the station for an unloading dock.
On the outside there were burnt through guide lines to cut. After a short trip they were cutting into the hull.
Because the spine of the ship was so damaged, the ship could not be towed to the station. The compartment adjacent to the crew compartment, where they had entered, was so damaged the engineers would just have to start from scratch on that, too.
While they were cutting into the hull a well sized raiding party entered the solar system. The main group headed toward the station. One extremely light frigate veered off to take the cargo ship. "Shut off your saw and remain quite!"
The raiding ship, the Aslan , fired it's forward correctional engines to slow down for boarding the ship. As it was compensating the two launched—full burn—towards the Aslan. At the back of the ship they both fired up the saws and dug into the fuel lines. With their momentum towards the back the Aslan could not correct itself any longer and began to float out into space. Turrets from the raiding ship began firing on the cargo ship's hold. Matt no longer had his rifle but rushed one of the turrets with his saw. He sliced off the cannons and then dug it into the turret itself. Stapaki fired at the other turret with his wrist gun. A shot hit the track of the turret and stopped it from moving.
The cargo ship, which was the Airion without the temporary cargo hold, separated in two and the Airion turned itself to fly over the Aslan. The raiders fired their ceiling engines and started downward, away from the Airion. That is what probably stopped a collision. The flare of one of the ceiling engines damaged Matt's booster pack and he had to ditch the thing incase it exploded. The Airion hailed him to tell him to get back in the "cave" in 20 seconds or they were leaving them behind.
Stapaki boosted over to him, attached a metal strap, and fired his remaining fuel toward the Airion.
They made it.

This post has been edited by Klienfelters : 18 June 2005 - 12:45 PM

Nice. Very nice. It might be a good idea for more of an intro - explain what the "Scrappers" are and where they are working...it seemed like they were pirates for a while. Use more conversation, and try to work the descriptions into the story.

Cheers,
Guapo