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Edited
Komak's Starbridge was falling down on Earth. "Make it for the lake, Jackson"- ordered Komak. "I'm trying, i'm trying." - yelled the nervous young pilot. Jackson pulled up the right engine (the other was destroyed), trying to make it land on the lake up ahed.
SQUASH! The ship hited the water. Komak openned the main door and water filled the bridge. Most part of the crew died on the crash. The rebel hero swimed to the shore. He didn't saw any survivors but then, he saw Jackson (the first pilot) and Malakreth (the ships medic) swiming to meet him. "Did you saw the others?"-asked Komak, with a worried tone on his voice Malakreth looked to the ground and said: "They didn't make it." Malakreth was a big man, a black race tall man. Jackson was a middle age boy, with a little brown beard. Komak was on his 30s, with black short hair. "What are we gon'na do, captain?" - Jackson asked "Well, i thin...Look out!" Komak throwed himself to Jackson, falling both on the ground, while heavy machinegun fire passed over'em. They hided behind some rocks. Komak picked up his blaster but he saw that it was broken and filled with water. He throwed it to the ground, making it become in thousand parts. "Let's go!"- ordered Komak. Jackson and Malakreth followed him into the forest, while they were being hunted by federation marines. On the forest, they saw federation hovercrafts. The marines arrived, The 3 rebels were in a swamp, surronded by Federation troopers. "Hands up, motherfoucker!" - yelled the fed patrol leader. They didn't had a chance so they surrended. They were arrested and after a trial, they went to the prison ship, Idana, that was taking a lot of criminals to work on the mines of a classified planet.
Part 4, coming soon...
This post has been edited by Rebel Klaudyo : 11 June 2005 - 02:04 PM
Still short. You don't need to swear in your stories to prove you know English.
Your big problem in this one is that you're switching viewpoints. Sometimes you're telling what Komak is doing or thinking, then sometimes you tell a fact that he could not know yet - like his crew was dead.
Cheers, Guapo