Rebellion 7

Rebellion

The 2 vipers aproched the Star Zarper. Komak started shooting IR missiles at them. He destroyed 1 and disabled the other. Now the big problem was in front of him. The big Federation Destroyer shooted 3 EMP torpedos at Komak. The ship was fast and Komak was a good pilot so he managed to escape the incoming missiles and after a hard flight, he landed on a hided place, behind the spaceport docks.

He looked at the bar and all possible places he could remember, but still there was no sign of Jackson. His presence was atracting Bureau agents, so he decided to head back to Koria and to tell General Ceena that he didn't saw Jackson. Jackson was like i brother to Komak, he was worried if the young Rebel had been captured. He entered the Lightning and headed to Rebel 2.

A few days later, he arrived at Rebel 2. When he exited the ship, 2 rebel officers and General Ceena were in front of him. "Where's Jackson, m'boy?"- asked the tired Rebel general.
"Sir...i'm very worried. I didn't saw him. I looked at a lot of places but there was no sign of him. What if he was captured, sir?"- said Komak, a bit worried.
Ceena tooke Komak to his office, he sited on his chair and ordered Komak to sit on the little sofa. "Boy... why don't you go to Goliath and ask the Renegades to help you? They have more connections, then us, with the federation."- started general Ceena.
"Sir, i think they have their problems aldready. Asking for their help now, it won't be a good idea. We will descend on their qualification of us. We will look weaker and worried and we don't wan'na look like that."- after a short break, he got up and continued -" It's Jackson we're talking about... Sir, i'll go! Count me in!"- finished Komak, with a little hope on his heart.

General started looking at the space, trough is window. "Isn't the space beautifull and misterious?" - said Ceena, calmer then before.
"Sir...we are loosing time... i do not wish to interupt, but i think i must leave now!" - said the impantient Komak.
Ceena turned to Komak and said: "You're right, m'boy! Go and find our beloved friend!"

Komak left Koria and headed to South Manchester. When he was flying over Kerella, a auroran Abomination saw the rebel jumping in, from hyperspace, and decided that it would be a good idea to shoot a few Radar missiles at our hero. Komaks radar jammer worked and the missiles flew right under him, hitting some asteroids. He needed to escape, so he used his afterburner but then he saw a big wild geese fleet that left from the space station and destroyed the auroran craft in a second, with railguns and blasters. Komak said thanks to the wild geese fleet leader and kept making his way to Goliath.

FFFFFFFFFFFFhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhppppppppppppuuummmmmm....Komak entered South Manchester sistem. He detected on the radar some modified Lightnings. They were painted blue and gray. It wasn't hard to land, since there were no feds. He entered the warehouse and he saw 4 Lightnings, blue and grey, like he checked on outer space. He went to Taraell office, knock, entered and sited on the chair, right in front of the Vell-osian leader. "Ko-komak? What are you doing here? I was very concentrated that i didn't noticed you coming."- said Taraell, droping the papers that he had on his hands.
"Taraell, i have no time for clicky tack talkings. I'm sorry, i need to ask you a favour." - said Komak, a bit worried- "I need you to find out where is Jackson. You have connections, so i'd like you to try to check where is he."
"Wasn't he on Earth? O, well, then come to my office tomorrow. I'll have the information when you come." - replyed Taraell

Komak returned on the next day and sited the same chair. He was waiting for Taraell to tell him what he knew about Jackson. "Your boy is on New England."- said Taraell.
"How do you know that?" - asked Komak.
"I know we are friends, but for my agents safety i must keep it classified." - replyed Taraell.
"I understand...by the way" - said Komak -" the new blue/grey lightnings are Renegade ships?"
"Correct, i mean, non-psychic man renegade craft"- laugh the vell-os-" because us, the Vell-os, we pilot our beloved psy energy ships. Anything else?"
"No, no, thank you for your time." - said Komak.

He left the building and headed to the Star Zarper. Some days later, he was arriving at New England...."Hold still, Star Zarper, or prepare to be obliterated!" - ordered the Bureau craft, to rebel ship.
Komak said: "EAT MY VACCUM!". The Bureau fleet went crazy. They started shooting all guns they could to the Star Zarper. With a smile on his face, Komak manned to escape all the incoming fire. Finally, he landed. The crew was waiting for him on the ship, while he was heading to the bar. When he entered the bar, he saw Jackson, sitting at a table, speaking with 2 Bureau agents. Jackson was diferent. He cuted his beard and his hair. Komak waved and the new changed rebel and using signs, he told Jackson to meet him on the bathroom. Jackson entered and he saw Komak looking at the mirror. "Where have you been?" - asked captain Komak.
"Hmpf...Get him!!!"- yelled Jackson. Komak turned around and a Buraeu patrol, that entered the bathroom, arrested the poor unarmed man.
"You traitor!" - screamed Komak, very revolted.
"I'll be seeing you later!"- said the arrogant new Jackson

What's hapenning? I'll tell you on part 8

This post has been edited by Rebel Klaudyo : 09 June 2005 - 05:05 PM

You're still in a hurry. Don't rush the story so much. Also, I see you're from Portugal. Your english is pretty good in this story, but there's no need to use every adjective in the book. It's ok to keep the story simple, but smooth.

Cheers,
Guapo

This post has been edited by ElGuapo7 : 10 June 2005 - 05:05 AM

Rebel Klaudyo, on Jun 9 2005, 07:05 PM, said:

_
The 2 vipers approched the Star Zarper, looking as lethal as the snakes they were named after. Komak pushed a button on his weapons console and launched his IR missiles at them. The little flying bombs tracked silently through space. Three of the missiles tracked into the first fighter and blew him away, leaving a trail of space junk in the space lanes.
The other guy was good, though. Turning the Viper desperately to evade the missiles, he almost got away. But the IR missiles homed in on him too, knocking his power out and leaving him disabled.
Now the big problem was in front of him. The big Federation Destroyer shot 3 EMP torpedos at Komak's Lightning. The huge missiles were a major threat, almost the size of a shuttle, with a blast radius the size of a carrier.
But the blue-grey Renegade fighter was faster and Komak was damn good. He managed to escape the incoming missiles and after a hard flight, he landed on a less-used place, in an older section of the Kane Band.
_
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Details, and action. Of course, you're not required to write like I do. A lot of other authors have very different styles. But you have to pull your paragraphs together a bit more. You've got to help your audience see what you're seeing. Maybe have a few of Komak's thoughts.

Your writing is improving, though, RK. Rebellion 7 is several times better than Rebellion 1. Perhaps you want to try rewriting Rebellion 1 for practice?

Cheers,
Guapo

This post has been edited by ElGuapo7 : 10 June 2005 - 05:18 AM

Komak is on a normal Lightning... ill try to practise more

You're damn good. I liked your little text a lot

This post has been edited by Rebel Klaudyo : 10 June 2005 - 05:28 AM

Rebel Klaudyo, on Jun 10 2005, 10:27 AM, said:

Komak is on a normal Lightning... ill try to practise more

You're damn good. I liked your little text a lot
View Post

Whoops, my mistake. See? Even I'm not perfect.

Seriously, though, it's practice. I been doing this a few years...But I still keep my early stories on my drive somewhere. Just to remind myself that once upon a time I was really, really, really really bad at this.

Cheers,
Guapo