Rebellion 6

Almost Last one

The Vell-os was in front of our heros. Jackson stayed very nervous and Komak, with a calming tone on his voice said : " How many Feds are with you? It wasn't the Rebels who came, boys, it was the Federal dogs."
"There are no feds with me"- said the long hairy Vell-os-" and im not a slave anymore. I used to be one but thanks to my psy powers and to other Vell-os powers, i was able to remove the device, that kept me a slave, from my neck."
"W-what do you want from us?"- said a rebel
"I wish to take Komak and Jackson to my organization hideout."- replyed the Vell-os
Komak said:"Ok, how do you know our names and what organization are you talking about?"
The impatient Vell-os said:"I can't say it here. The walls have ears and eyes. If you come with us, it might mean the END OF THE WAR!"

The rebels entered Idana. After killing the guards that survived, they reached the rebels cell. After taking all the rebellion prisioners, the Task force leader asked something to one of the rebels that were inside Komaks cell:"Rajck, are all prisioners with us?"
"Well, a few were killed while fighting with some pirates. Komak, that new captain, and a rebel that wass his friend, went away with a Vell-os dude."- said Rajck.
"Damnit!!!For ten thousands stellars!!!"- yelled the task force leader -"that stupid vell-os... Now they kidnape rebels!"
"They went with him because they wanted to, sir -"spoke Rajck-" it was somethimg that ment the end of the war. Komak said he will try to contact with Koria soon.

The beautifull Vell-osian craft was flying through the dense space: "Can you tell that thing now?"- asked Komak.
"With pleasure"- said the calm Vell-os-" My name is Taraell. As you can see, i'm a Vell-os. I used to be a slave. It was me who destroyed your ship, captain Komak. I said sorry into your mind. A few days later, my psy powers have raised and with some friends help, i could retrive the evil device from my neck. A few Vell-os were free, including me, but we were hunted by the Bureau so you decide to hide on Goliath in South Manchester sistem. We found some men that joined our cause there. We have been setting up some equipment and some stuff. We call ourselves Renegades."- after a short break, he continued- "Our group is very small, so we decided to ally with the Rebels. We couldn't go to Koria, they will attack us without earing our proupose. Well, we decided to speak with you and with your friend. We will end discussing bussiness when we reach our headquarters, ok?"

Finally they arrived at Goliath. They landed, Taraell removed the energy field and he went to a warehouse, while the rebels followed him. When they entered the warehouse, the Renegades (such as Vell-os and experienced men), were working on equipment and radars. A Lightning was in the middle of the place. The Renegades saluted Taraell, Komak and Jackson and then, they continued their work. "As you can see we are few but we are very well trained."- said Taraell-" we wish to ally with the rebellion. If you ally with us, you will have Vell-os fighting on your side."
"Thats good for us. But why do you wish to ally, in fact?"- said Komak.
"Well, Jackson, i'm afraid this is becoming a bit private. Do you...mind?"
Jackson said:" Fine, fine. I'm going to the bar, i'll bring you a drink, Komak. I'll be right back."
"Lets continue, my friend. If we ally with you, we have more chances of eliminating the Bureau. We will be closer to our objective. I have this message pod. Take it. You must deliver it to your superior. Tell him i wish to speak with him."- said the Vell-os
"Why don't you come with me to Koria, so we can speak easily and faster, huh? By the way, i have no craft with me so how am i going to deliver that message?"- asked Komak.
"You're going to use that Lightning. I think i can go with you. I'll take a few men with me. For security reasons, you know? There is no reason for you to tell me where your base is. I've aldready readed it on your mind"- said Taraell, while smiling.
"Oh...i'll go with you with one condition. I pilot the ship. I've never piloted a Lightning before i'd like to do it, Taraell." - said Komak. The Vell-os agreed.

Finally, Jackson arrived but he didn't had Komaks drink: "Where's my beer?"- ask the impatient Komak.
"Huh? Oh...er...they didn't had your favourite."- replyed Jackson with a nervous tone on his voice.
"Whatever, look, we're going back to Rebel 2. On that Lighting over there"- said Komak-" Taraell will come with us. He wish to speak with General Ceena."
"Well, i...er...hm.. why don't you let me on Earth? I can be a spy for the rebellion, it's a good plan, Komak."- said Jackson, a bit calmer.
Taraell said: "It's not a bad plan at all. We drop him on Earth and we head to Koria. He can be a usefull spy"
"Hmpf...fine, we drop him first!"

They toke off on the Lightning, droped Jackson of Earth and headed to Koria. Finally, they landed, Komak and the Renegades entered General Ceena office. Komak told him what happend and general Ceena said: "Komak, go meet with your friends or something. I have bussiness to discuss with this gentleman. Take some credits too, you earned them.

Komak met up with Malakreth and with a few friends on the bar. He decided to kept the Renegades story classified, for now. It was time to forgot about work. They spoke about the Galatic races, about railguns and their power, etc... One hour later: "Captain Komak, general Ceena is waiting for you on his office"- said a rebellion officer. Komak said goodbye to his friends and went to meet with Ceena.

Inside general Ceena office: "Thank you again, general. Oh, here he is."- said Taraell with a big smile on his face.
"M'boy, i need you to take the Renegades back to their base. Drop'em there, they will keep meeting and trading with us later, but now do what i told you, 'k?"- asked Ceena- "Oh, pick up Jackson, let's see what he found out."

On the way back to Goliath, Komak needed to destroy a nausy pirate viper, that kept shooting his stupid blasters to Star Zarper. (It was the Lightnings name). Komak, reached the Renegades hq, droped Taraell and his men and headed to Earth...

He entered Sol sistem. 2 fed vipers were coming right to him. He saw, behind the them, 1 federation destroyer. The battle began.

part7 soon

This post has been edited by Rebel Klaudyo : 08 June 2005 - 03:10 PM

You're right, it is better than the last five. Really, much more readable. But remember, your readers are not telepathic. You need to connect your scenes better, flesh out the people and the places more.

Also, more action would make the scene come alive more. Not more fighting, necessarily (although if it so happens that they fight in the story, that's cool :)). Just things like sitting down, standing up, grabbing paperwork, whatever. Going in and talking is cool, but life doesn't happen like that.

It's hard to be patient, I know. You've got so much to write, and you want to get it out so everone can read it.

Let me say that this idea of an independent Vell-os rebellion is a fantastic idea. It's really fantastic. Outstanding potential. This could really become a great story.

Cheers,
Guapo