Your browser does not seem to support JavaScript. As a result, your viewing experience will be diminished, and you have been placed in read-only mode.
Please download a browser that supports JavaScript, or enable it if it's disabled (i.e. NoScript).
hey there. This is my most recent piece, and will probably be the starting piece for my main storyline i will follow. Hope you like it, and C+C are welcome, as always. MoSsY.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
BEGINNINGS:
Shes just rolled off the production line. Brand new Alpha Class Shuttle with standard sensor upgrades and one of the newest engine specs to come out of Sigmas own shipyards. She could get you anywhere you want, and with a 0-250 aps and gyro-stabilisers all along the hull, it would be one of the fastest and smoothest rides you could ever find, whether youre cruising over the Paradises of Grall 3 or battling the static storms of a demon planet. And it can be yours, for a modest price of just 50,000. His practiced lines delivered, the salesman stepped back, a winning smile on his face and his hands in his pockets, idly toying with the data-pad to record recent sales. New customers are always the easiest to fool, but the hardest to get to come back to his yard. Thats why this little beauty was open for sale only for new customers to Jacks Boatyard. Smile growing wider; Jack inwardly admitted to himself that this was probably the only honest deal he had in stock. Any lengths to catch a customer
Kael ran his hands over the shuttles hull, noticing the gleaming duranium plates and crystalline windows reflecting the suns glare. He inspected the engines from the rear, looking for tell tale signs of recent melding or patches of rust that would indicate old parts. Not seeing any, he examined closer and indeed recognised one of the newest engine specs had been used to build the two plasma thrusts on the back of the shuttle. Slightly more hopeful, he continued to do routine checks of the sensor grids, auxiliary thrusters and landing gears, as well as the cargo capacity in the main bay. 10 tonnes worth. Enough to get a trader on his feet, he thought to himself. After spending four years at the United Shipping Trainee academy on Earth, Kael had graduated top of his class, and had made it back home to Misfire to be welcomed with open arms by his family and friends. And now, here he was, visiting one of the more reputable ship traders on the planet with his father and inspecting the most recent in star-ship technology, albeit only being a shuttlecraft. He found himself absently checking for small imperfections with the ship that he wouldnt have known existed before he went to the academy, and when he felt satisfied, he compared his views on the ship with his father. Kaels father was a ship engineer by trade, until an accident had nearly cost him his life. Now, he made a living in dealing with transactions with an ore-trading company here on Misfire. He himself had never made it into the academy, and would do anything to see his son make it on his own in the galaxy. Kael had striven to make his father proud of him, and would never forget the day he came home, a qualified pilot with a contract with one of the galaxies biggest delivery companies. It was the proudest day of both their lives. Kael left his father and the salesman absently chatting while he went to inspect some of the up-grades on offer as well. After a good half hour, he had found an additional fuel cell, and a reasonable solar panel that could easily be added to the shuttle, and wouldnt cost a lot to install. Up-grades like those were invaluable to a beginner trader. No one liked to be caught in an unpopulated system with no fuel, or having to keep stopping on planets along a trade route to re-fuel. The solar panels would compensate for the first problem, and the additional fuel cell meant he could have that extra jump that may get a delivery on time. All in all, Kael was well pleased with the way things were going.
Up-grades all ready kid? I can tell you know what your doing! Lets see then, 50,000 for the ship, and lets say an additional 20,000 for the up-grades? What am I doing, those up-grades are worth 30,000!! How does that sound? With affirmatives all round, the grin on Jacks face became a real one. The kid new he had got a good deal, and Jack hoped he had secured a lifetime customer. At the price it was costing him, he better had have done! Noticing two small craft angling to land on the pad across the yard, Jack quickly signed over the ship, and watched, pleased as the young kid ignited the engines and lifted off from the yard. He stood there, watching as Kael and his father glided away back to their home to prepare Kael for his new life. Jack sighed, turned on his winning smile for new customers, and turned to face them.
Gripper had his sawn off blaster aimed at the salesmans head even before he had turned around. When he did, the smile on his face disappeared, and he went very pale. Gripper smiled as recognition flashed over Jacks face. Hello there, Jack. Long time. Jack, trembling visibly, cleared his throat and tried to stammer out a greeting. Oh, dont bother with trying with courtesy. But the Boss has been very interested in some of the people on this planet. One in particular, Jack. Oh, dont worry, Gripper said, almost pleasantly as Jack shrank down against a wall, Its not you hes after today. No, the person he wants is a young lad, a newbie on the space lanes. I believe you just had the pleasure of meeting him. Waving at the two pirates behind him, Gripper watched as Jack was hauled to his feet. Then, very slowly, Gripper placed the barrel of his blaster against Jacks head. So Jack, he whispered, Tell us where this kid is from.
As Gripper climbed into his Viper, he muttered curses under his breath. Jack had not known where the kid was from, and not even death threats had been enough to get him to co-operate. Ah well, Gripper thought to himself, a little more pleasantly, at least Jack wouldnt cause anymore trouble for the Boss. The three pirate vipers skimmed across the dock and then climbed upwards into the air. Dust settled onto the silent dock of Jacks Boatyard, and no one noticed the still twitching form of Jack, or the half disintegrated remains of his face. By the time he was found, no one had any idea of what had happened, or knew to warn Kael of the massive threat that was following him.
Nice intro, sets a good background for a story, I would definately read on. Some of the more experienced writers on the boards will critique it a lot more than me, but overall, you really did do a good job. Some of the grammar could use some help, but it was better than a lot I've seen, and as you continue you'll get better at this. I liked it alot!
-Cheezy_Cracker
------------------ "You don't want to sell me deathsticks" "I...uh..I don't want to sell you deathsticks!" "You want to go home and rethink your life." "I..uh..want to go home and rethink my life!"
I agree wholeheartedly with Cheesy_Cracker. It is definately a good beggining, and I'm sure the rest of the story will be as good or better.
------------------ Cmon people, the (url="http://"http://www.AmbrosiaSW.com/cgi-bin/ubb/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&number;=20&SUBMIT;=Go")Chronicles(/url) are worth looking at. I love Frigates, as is easily seen:(url="http://"http://www.dabie.k-ow.net/~glasskids/EV_Frigates_page.html")EV Frigates(/url). Visit the web board of (url="http://"http://novatc.suddenlaunch3.com")my Total Conversion.(/url)