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The Pride of Astert
This story was inspired by the Escape Velocity series, but is in no way connected to it. Please give me your feedback and your opinion of the story; I can be reached by e-mail at TwirP_33@comcast.net
Chapter 1
"Captain! Sensors show multiple bogies. Weapons are armed and shields are up!" reported First Mate John Tarter. "Code Red! Prepare for battle! Charge up shields and I want those weapons online thirty seconds ago!" cried Captain Timothy Astert, owner of Astert's Pride. "Wraith's spawn! I was afraid of this. Apparently that 50 tons of industrial goods we picked up in Glory Haven is a little suspicious. Try to raise that capitol ship over there!" he finished, pointing at a ship that rivaled the Astert's Pride in size, yet lacked in the speed and weapons of the sooped up frigate. "This is the Imperial Federation Patrol Frigate Lions Breath. You are hereby ordered to shut down all shields and weapon systems, then heave to for a cargo inspection." said a nauseous voice over the ship-to-ship comm port. John looked at the Captain expectantly. Captain Timothy had been in many fights before, and wasn't known to back down when he had a large cargo with a larger payload. He was a man who worked for the pay, moving stuff around for the Galactic Federation of Oppressed Planets, then turning around and ferrying cargo around for the Imperial Federation. He was hated across the known universe for his tactics, but was widely respected as an honest man when it came to making deals, and one that could be trusted to make a delivery no matter what. His ship, Astert's Pride was a legend among spacers. The ship could travel at 3.2 times the speed of light, speeds unheard of by any other human vessel. His combat skills were sharp, and he employed an elite squadron of fighters known as the Death Dudes in cantinas everywhere. His entire crew, numbering 22, were all masters of the Borelian Martial Arts and he often captured ships with young captains eager to prove themselves, yet dumb enough to challenge him. "Do as the man says, only steer away from the system center and plot a course for the system of Trimos. Make like your slowing down as you turn about, but give her enough juice to be able to safely jump. Then turn off all engines except the special hypercloak." John's initial surprise at hearing the Captain give into the Imperial Fed's gave way as he began to understand the plan. When the frigate got close enough, the Captain would throw the switch on the hypercloak engine, an engine ahead of its time by nearly forty years. It could work completely without detection, even if it was slow compared to the other hyperspace engines. When the engine is told to jump, it not only throws the ship into hyperspace, it also creates a gravity well that acts like a miniature black hole for a short while after the jump, discouraging pursuit. After the captain's orders had been followed, all that was left to do was wait. Everyone held their breath as the Lion's Breath drew closer, and closer. Finally, after what seemed like hours, the captain gave the order for the switch to be thrown. Instantly, Astert's Pride was violently thrown into hyperspace, leaving behind a small black hole for the Lion's Breath to get caught in for several hours.
Chapter 2
Several days later the Astert's Pride lurched into real space in the Trimos System. "This is Captain Timothy Astert of Astert's Pride requesting permission to land, code green." called Timothy over the ship's comm. Code green means fuel is needed, yellow means minor damages, blue means the crew needs medical attention, red means the ship has critical damage and needs to land immediately, black means there is an unknown emergency, and the ship needs to land immediately, and white means the ship has cargo destined for that planet. "Astert's Pride you're cleared to land at 1700, fuel will be waiting. Welcome back Captain." drawled the voice of the docking officer, which always sounded the same, no matter which port you went to. "Great, we got stuck with the long wait again!" complained John, "Why do we always get the long waits? Why can't someone else take a turn at waiting five hours just to get some bloody fuel!" Captain Timothy chuckled quietly at his first mate's antics, 1700 was in reality only two hours away, and was actually a short wait for someone waiting for nothing but fuel. "The bridge is yours First Mate Tarter." he finished; it was time for some much needed sleep. As it turned out the hypercloak engine had a leak, and the last few days in hyperspace had been spent with round the clock repairs overseen by the captain himself, who had been in on the original design of the hypercloak. His input had added the temporary gravity well to the effect of the hypercloak, giving a completely stealthy hyperspace jump. He was awoken at precisely 1630, as he had instructed his cabin boy, Thomas to do. He took a quick shower, put on a change of clothing, and made his way to the bridge. "The ships is yours to command, sir!" said John smartly upon the arrival of the captain, giving the customary command for transfer of power back to the captain. "I shall command it well!" replied Captain Timothy, giving the customary response. A short time later the port authorities hailed the Astert's Pride and informed them it was their turn to land and refuel. It was already 1730. "About bloody time!" muttered the captain under his breath, while slowing giving directions to his pilot. As soon as the ship touched he lowered the hatch and stepped onto the concrete of the port floor. A technician was hurrying towards him with a clipboard and a pocket shield. "Please sign here, and here.... and here." he instructed the captain. "Everything looks in order, you can begin refueling." He concluded in his nasally voice. Immediately an electronic arm from the side of the port wall plugged into the ship's fuel holds and began pumping thousands of gallons of decitrite liquid crystal fuel. Captain Timothy boarded his ship, closed the hatch, and prepared for takeoff. Once the arm had finished it's job, it disconnected and First Mate Tarter called for clearance to take off. It was granted immediately, and the Astert's Pride was on its way.
Chapter 3
As soon as they were clear of the atmosphere, the comm officer reported that radar was going crazy, with more than twenty-five enemy signals showing. "Code Red! Evasive maneuvers! Battle stations everyone!" cried Captain Timothy as the bridge scrambled into life. There would be no hypercloaking this time; the Astert's Pride was too near the center of gravity to jump safely away without plunging the planet itself into a gravity well, which had no good side effects. "Captain! They're trying to raise us!" called out the comm officer. "Open a line up, let's see the scumbag's face before he dies. responded the captain. "Aye, sir!" said the comm officer manipulating the controls with practiced ease. The nauseous voice was back, "This is the Imperial Federation Patrol Frigate Lion's Breath. You are hereby ordered to shut down all shields and weapon systems, then heave to for a cargo inspection!" "Turn him off!" said Captain Tim, and the line was closed immediately. "Launch the fighters, meet them head on and distract them away from both the Lion's Breath and the Pride!" he ordered. Immediately, twelve Z-78 Cobras, the fastest fighters available to mankind, launched from the Asterts Prides fighter bays in single file; Captain Astert was not afraid to pay for any expense when it came to protecting his pride. The Death Dudes bore down on the opposing squadron that consisted of twenty-four fighters launched from the Lion's Breath's bays. The leader of the squadron, Lt. Drake, spat fire from his ship's blasters ripping the lead enemy fighter to pieces. DD2 launched twin torpedoes at a target, frying its tail and disintegrating the cockpit blast roof. Tripps! Watch your tail, one of the Marlins is locked on tight! I cant shake him! Gimme some support guys! called back Tripps over the comm. Hes fried my inertial dampeners, this is gonna be a bumpy ride! I got your back, mate! cried Lt. Drake spinning on his axis and facing Tripps head on. When I give the order pull up hard! 1 2 3 GO! Tripps immediately pulled up while Lt. Drake stayed on course and began blasting away at the nose plate of the slightly slower, yet reliable Marlin that had been trailing Tripps. Got him! he cried triumphantly. Sir, you picked up a bogey yourself in that maneuver! pointed out Tripps. Dont worry, mate! Ill show you what a real pilot can do! cried Lt. Drake as he pulled up, fired his retro-thrusters, and pulled hard to port. His engines took on the strain admirably, and the Marlin on his tail shot out in front of him. Now the hunter was the prey. Lt. Drake stayed on his tail, got a good angle and let loose with his blasters. The rear exhaust disintegrated under the spray of fire, but the Marlin hung on. Wraithspawn! he cried, and waited for another angle, which came all too soon as the Marlin to tried to one-up the lieutenant by doing a half barrel roll while flipping over, causing his ship to point directly at Lt. Drakes nosepiece. Both ships fired simultaneously, but the already weakened shields of the Marlin gave out before the Cobras shields had reached the fifty-percent mark. Wowie! That was a little too close for comfort! cried out Lt. Drake amid the compliments from the rest of his squadron. The remaining Marlins were quickly rounded up, some were disabled and allowed to live, the rest were destroyed. Meanwhile, the captain had ordered the Astert's Pride to move closer to the Lion's Breath and her turbo-lasers were ripping away at the patrol frigate. The Lion's Breath responded admirably with her own turbo-lasers, and added concussion missiles and even a few torpedoes every now and then. Captain Timothy ordered that the Pride be under his direct, manual control, and began evasive maneuvers. His turrets were manned with marksmen that rarely missed, and the Lions Breath was beginning to show strain from the constant fire. Instead of giving up though, the nauseous pilot ordered that a ruinous salvo of both concussion missiles and particle torpedoes be fired. Captain Tim pulled the Astert up and did a tight barrel roll, causing most of the missiles to miss, while the turrets shot down the rest, several got through though, and their destructive power began eating away at the shields. The Astert fired her own torpedo salvo, and the slightly slower Lions Breath took on more hits, draining the last once of its shields and leaving nothing but the thick armored hull to take on the turbo-lasers. The fight finally ended when the nauseous commander finally realized that he was outgunned and out maneuvered by the Pride. They beat a hasty retreat, but not before the commander offered a parting remark, "This is not the end Captain! The Astert's Pride is carrying illegal cargo, and I will have you stopped!" Whatever you say, sir! replied Captain Astert mockingly; in his mind nothing could stop the Astert as long as he was captain. The Lions Breath made the jump and the Death Dudes were called back to the bays. Asterts Pride was readied for its own hyperspace jump, and the order was given. Immediately, the ship was plunged into hyperspace, at 3.2 times the speed of light. She would reach her destination port of Elvira in the Oakridge system in less than 6 hours, a trip that would have taken the hypercloak engine nearly three days. A skeleton crew was assigned watch, and the fighter squadron began repairs as the rest of the ship turned in for a short rest after the quick, yet bloody battle.
Chapter 4
Asterts Pride exited hyperspace neatly, approximately five and a half hours after entry. The crew felt refreshed after their short sleep, and began to prepare for landing and unloading. This is Captain Timothy Astert of Asterts Pride, requesting permission to land, code white. Welcome to Elvira, Captain! You are cleared to land at 0900. Enjoy your stay! droned the bodiless voice of the port authority. This really was a long wait, 0900 was nearly twelve hours away, but unloading lines were known to be long, especially in systems such as Oakridge where supplies are desperately needed to meet the demands of the large population. Elvira itself contained nearly twenty-two billion souls, and produced only enough food to feed half of the population. The rest had to be shipped in, along with many other commodities. Well, I think its time for a nap! stated First Mate Tarter matter-of-factly. A twelve hour wait just to land, its unnatural! Not yet John, the current crew shift lasts for another four hours yet, and Im not about to authorize an early shift. Everyone onboard need all the rest they can get before we start unloading. Informed the Captain, dashing the entire bridges hopes of an early turn in. Suddenly, the warning flagon sounded as multiple contacts approached on radar. The numbers seemed ungodly, at least three wings of fighters, consisting of sixteen fighters each, and seven medium-sized corvettes. An Imperial Federation Carrier and two destroyers led this large force. To the crew of Asterts Pride, it seemed like the entire Imperial Federation Starfleet was baring down on them, and the odds seemed just as hopeless. As the crew stared in disbelief at their unfortunate luck, the Imperial Federation Carrier hailed. This is the Imperial Federation Flagship Carrier Lions Bane, under the command of General Yastein. You are hereby ordered to shut down all shields and weapons systems, and heave to for a cargo inspection. Said the same nauseous voice of the commander of the Lions Bane. Captain Timothy listened to the hail, and stared at the radar screen for several moments before reacting. All he said was, Dear God
Middlin'. But not bad. It's rough in spots...you don't need to put in large blocks of detail. Try and trickle it in, make it flow with the story. If you like, I can offer some suggestions here and there.
Maybe read into a few thoughts of the captain. (It seems to be from his point of view.)
Cheers, Guapo
------------------ "Quote it, paraphrase it, soak it in peanut oil and set it on fire. I don't mind in the least." - forge Founding Member of WORRPBOITAMPSH, Gildorian Minion and Knight of the Order of the Bastard (url="http://"http://guapohq.jonpearse.net")GuapoHQ - for all your Guapo needs(/url) (url="http://"http://insanekp.tripod.com")The Insane Klown Posse Website!!!(/url) (url="http://"http://www.ambrosiasw.com/cgi-bin/vftp/dl-redirect.pl?path=evo/guides&file;=TechFolder.sit")Captain Canardley Ableson's Technical Guide to the EV/O Universe(/url)
I think there was a little too much backstory. You should just make the captain's reptutation through inference instead of just outright telling his whole battle history.
Try adding some emotion in there somewhere, too.
------------------ Man, have pity on man
Thanks for the comments guys, unfortunately, I wrote this immediately after ready a novel by Tom Clancy, and he also has a flair for a little too much detail. My apologes...I'll make the other chapters better. Also, I plan to submit another of my works, one that I've spent a little more time on. I'm not sure what I'll call it yet, but from my viewpoint, it's better than this!
------------------ "You don't want to sell me deathsticks" "I...uh..I don't want to sell you deathsticks!" "You want to go home and rethink your life." "I..uh..want to go home and rethink my life!"