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I checked my scanner computer, then I checked the bounty paper again:
Chris Schixman Wanted Dead or alive Dead: 100,000 creds Alive: 400,000 creds Wanted for the murdurings of 8 star captains in United Earth space.
Scanner specifications: Ship type: Crecent Warship Ship Name: "The Arrowhead"
They both matched, "The Arrow Head". This was the guy I was looking for. I had just jumped into an uninhabited system in the Cresent, just outside Zidigar space. I knew this was going to be a good battle. I could see a bright blue glow out in the distance. I radioed to my gunners to be on alert. I thrusted my ship forward a little. I had recently bought my own Crecent Warship out of money I got for doing some work for the UE. I Radioed to the lower deck to get the docking doors open. I ran to the docking bay and jumped in my fighter. my two wingmen were already there. I blasted out of the warship and towards the Arrowhead, my wingmen beside me. "Blackdog to MS Gunner alpha and bravo, fire at will" I said. The enemy let out three opposing cresent fighters strait at us. I clutched my joy stick and broke away from the team. I knew that before we took on the Arrowhead, I'd have to take care of these fighters first. I whipped around and got behind one. And squeezing the trigger, several bright yellow energy bolts went steaming towards it. I hit it twice but the shealds were still strong. At that moment another enemy fighter pulled behind me and began firing. "Blackdog to Reddog, I gotta bogey at six o'clock, wonderin' if you could back me up", I said. "Copy that Blackdog" replied my wingman. I began manuervering side to side, hoping to avoid the enemy fire. But before reddog could get there an SAD Module from the Devine Glow (my Warship) came and exploded the enemy behind me. We outnumbered them three to two. I commanded my team to swarm on one of them now, and within maybe ten seconds it was disabled and floating amlessly through space. The last bogey jumped to another system, seeing how it was 3 on 1. Now, the last part of the process, disableling the Arrowhead. My team broke up and hit it from three different angles. A cluster of SAD modules from the Devine Glow exploded, bringing down its shealds. Within minutes my team disabled it. It was easier than I thought. "Fighter Team Alpha Report to mothership" I said. "10-4 Blackdog" they replied. I flew into the docking bay and jumped out. "Cammand bridge, pull into boarding posistion with starship Arrowhead. And assemble the assault force." I ran to the boarding hall where the team had already been summoned. We walked accross to the door of the enemy. I pulled out my Colt 45 and cocked it. I kicked down the door and a mass of cross- fire exploded within the ship. I rolled behind a crate for a second and then popped up and began to fire. I hit and killed two renegades and hit one in the right arm. this went on for about ten minutes until we wiped out their defence team. 4 out of my twenty teammates were killed, 6 injured. I got hit once in my stomach but by bullet-profe vest shealded me. The other six were taken back to some medics in my ship. I finally came to the cammand bridge with 5 gunmen at my side. And there he was: that scum Schixman With two armed bodyguards. I held him, and his goons at gun point. They all began to open fire each of them killing 1 of my teammates. The two of my remaning gunmen killed the two bodguards. Schixman fled to the cargohold. "Get back to the ship" I cammanded. "I'll take him." I rushed to the cargo hold. This was harder than I thought. There were many boxes and crates here perfect for a man to hide in. it was dark and gloomy in here too. I sneaked beside a crate and heard breathing--it was him. As fast as I could I whipped around the corner and kicked as hard as I could. He fell on the ground, out cold. I took him back to the Devine Glow. I Took his cred stick with 216,000 on it, and through him in my cargo hold. I made my way back to Earth to collect my reward. "Cleared to dock Devine Glow, commence final approach. Welcome to Earth."
If you enjoyed that story feel free to email me at baw629@aol.com
Umm...
For a flash story....not bad. Not great, either. Spelling, spelling, spelling, spelling.
It has the potential to be a good battle scene. But I see inconsistencies. Regrettable, but there they are.
The flow was rushed, and the shootouts were lacking in detail. And why a Colt M1911 .45? Wouldn't that punch a hole in the bulkhead?
Use paragraphs every now and then.
The idea is good...polish it, please.
Cheers, Guapo
------------------ "Quote it, paraphrase it, soak it in peanut oil and set it on fire. I don't mind in the least." - forge Founding Member of WORRPBOITAMPSH (url="http://"http://www.freeminz.com/php/forum/index.php") FreeminZ.com - a forum with no posts, no users, and no reason for being! Join Today!(/url) (url="http://"http://guapohq.jonpearse.net")GuapoHQ - for all your Guapo needs(/url) (url="http://"http://insanekp.tripod.com")The Insane Klown Posse Website!!!(/url) (url="http://"http://www.AmbrosiaSW.com/webboard/Forum10/HTML/002301.html")Darkest Hour An EV/O Saga(/url) (url="http://"http://www.ambrosiasw.com/cgi-bin/vftp/dl-redirect.pl?path=evo/guides&file;=TechFolder.sit")Captain Canardley Ableson's Technical Guide to the EV/O Universe(/url)
there is actually a very similar story somewhere in the archives.
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Hmm. I think (remember, I am not positive ) there is another story exactly like this. Guy who is bounty hunter, hunting down renegade is crecent warship, who has a bounty on him for destroying eight U.E. Fighters and killing the eight men inside. Also it was excellently written. Apologies, but this seems to be a take-off. If misunderstanding, instant apology.
------------------ He who hesitates is probably right
um.... you guys, this was a story from along time ago.... I've been away from the posts for a while and i came back for some reason or other and saw this published here.... this has been published twice. I wrote this story.... Guapo, im that guy Alvin (I forgot my password) who wrote the Indiana story.... I was kinda hoping its sequal would be published first before this one twice... this one is not that good.... oh how ameteur i was!