EV/EVO Chronicles: Jimmy and the couple's Quarrel

My first attempt at story writing and I was inspired by the game I toil over to master. So here's Jimmy by me! Danny G. PLease I need your honest opinions!

The funniest thing Jimmy has ever seen in space was when was aboard a when he was on a Space Liner heading for Earth to start his new life. He was had a teenagers face, pierced and rebellious. Jimmy always liked to tinker with electronics and he had managed to get ahold of a military grade universal communication linkage device or just "comm-link." From the Outland system to Earth, the average flight would last about 4 or so weeks, if your not overrun by Pirates or Marauders.
When the huge Space liner, dropped out of Hyperspace his comm-link went berserk. Always there's always Military Chatter in the systems bordering Federation space and Aurorean space. And eventually when tensions rise high enough and soldiers remember they're fallen brethren, triggers get easily squeezed. And there was no exception in the Tichel system. There's always some fireworks going on.
And Jimmy listened, but he heard it before so he wasn't interested on most on the chatter. Just on one frequency. There was a woman talk over static, "... so what your just ... leave me?" And in response a mans voice said, "...orry, it's what the ... wants, babe." Jimmy raised one pierced eye-brow in confusion. This was sounding a lot like a quarrel between lovers than between warriors, and in fact if it was lovers why in hell would they be using military frequencies to talk.
The conversation dragged on. And Jimmy heard enough and simply looked out the window. "We will be entering Hyperspace in one hour. We will be entering Hyperspace in one hour," the captain of the space liner announced over the loud speakers. But Jimmy didn't care. The Space Liner was in prime view of the battle going on just a couple of hundred meters away. Everyone jumped in there seat when a 150mm railgun pellet zoomed past the row of windows and nearly blinded everyone when in struck the rear pilot's cabin. No major damage was done since shields were up and no alert was raised on a count it was cross fire. But that didn't matter, Jimmy was loving every second of it.
Then all of a sudden there was a lull in the battle. All fighters looked like they were called back and each capital ship on both sides held their fire but for what, Jimmy didn't know. Then suddenly a Federation Patrol Ship was exiting port from Spacedock II and in a hurry. Again, Jimmy raised a confused eye-brow. Then a Shuttle came out and began chasing the Patrol ship. When the shuttle came close it opened fire on the Patrol Ship. This was ridiculous to Jimmy and his pierced face. A federation Patrol Ship can take on a small shuttle any day of the month, why was it running away like a scared dog?
Without hesitation, Jimmy scanned the space waves, and laughed so loud everyone turned in their seat and looked at Jimmy as if he was crazy. It was bad enough as he looked like all dressed in black and body pierced from head to toe. When Jimmy realized everyone was looking at him, he cranked up the volume meter on the comm-link and everyone heard what was going on outside. "Hmm ... Commander it seems that a great lovers quarrel is brooding," a thick Aurorean accented voice spoke.
"Then we must not interfere, young Warrior. Call all our ships back and halt all fire," replied a maturer voice but with an equally thick accent.
"Oh, boy. She's got her good Captain ...," chuckled a Federation Navy boy on the same frequency.
"I was always taught that no man should stand between a lovers' quarrel," a gruff southern voice responded. "And it looks like the Aurorean's are doing the same, call a cease-fire and bring in all fighters."
"You got it ... look at him go!," Laughed the Navy boy's voice.
And then finally, after a millisecond of silence, "I'll show you to cheat on me you Navy punk Bastard!" It was the woman from the lover's quarrel. She was piloting the shuttle that was shooting at the scared Patrol Ship.
"Please, Lisa ... your making a scene ... Oh, God I hope I don't get demoted for this," and that was the man's voice from the same quarrel. Only with out as much suave and with a lot of wining fear.
"Demoted?!," yelled the woman on the frequency, "Demoted?! I'll demote you- To oblivion!"
Jimmy never really had friends, he really wasn't good at making them and he really didn't smile much... But Jimmy smiled, for in the first of his of all his years alive he had made more friends than he could count.

Me... first post? Wow.

Anyway, about the story: I liked the idea, but I think your logic was a little off. I doubt an entire battle would cease because of a personal fight between two ships. Your grammar was, well, not good. Take for example:

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The funniest thing Jimmy has ever seen in space was when was aboard a when he was on a Space Liner heading for Earth to start his new life.

Your sentence structure was rather simplish, there was great void in the detail department, and you characters weren't very deep.

Other than that, good job. 🙂

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Man have pity on man

This my first post.. well ever

I enjoyed the idea and the fact that something like that can happen anywhere even in space thousands of years from now.

Nice work for first post

Thanks,
Split

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(This message has been edited by Split (edited 10-26-2003).)

Good story. The idea of Aurorans stopping a battle seems plausible, after all, they can now maneuver intoobatter postions, something they could never do with those slow ships of theirs.
Plus I'm sure Aurorans enjoy seeing Feds fight eachother, one less battle that they must fight.

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A battle might just stop, Jas...I remember hearing about an incident on the Eastern Front back in 1915, 'round Christmastime.

Night-time attack by the Hungarian Army, complete darkness and surprise. 'Cept one of the attackers lit a candle next to a roadside statue of Jesus. One by one, all his mates got out candles, and 'lit 'em too. And wouldn't you know, the Russian Army started doing the same thing. All around, up and down the Line, candles shone out like little stars, bringing a little bit of "peace, and goodwill to all men" in that small section of Hell.

Now, I know it's as unlikely as it sounds, but it's a nice story. I'd like to think it's true...soldiers are famous for doing favors for each other and the other side. In WWI soldiers routinely helped with the barbed wire strengthening, so I hear. 'Course, the English always held the posts, and the Germans hammered 'em in.

The Germans offered safe passage over their airspace for a new false leg for Wing Commander Douglas Bader back in WWII...only Brit High Command wouldn't go for it.

Etcetera. Just remember that truth IS stranger than fiction...that's why it's so hard to write good fiction.

It's easy to live, though. You don't need to suspend your disbelief.

Cheers,
Guapo

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"Quote it, paraphrase it, soak it in peanut oil and set it on fire. I don't mind in the least." - forge
Founding Member of WORRPBOITAMPSH
(url="http://"http://guapohq.jonpearse.net")GuapoHQ - for all your Guapo needs(/url)
(url="http://"http://insanekp.tripod.com")The Insane Klown Posse Website!!!(/url)

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Originally posted by ElGuapo7:
A battle might just stop, Jas...I remember hearing about an incident on the Eastern Front back in 1915, 'round Christmastime.

Yes, but there is a difference between a deeply religious holiday and a mild argument... 😉

And I do remember that event. 🙂

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Man have pity on man

That story is actually true.

But in this situation, the battle would not end. First off, the Aurorans would not even have know what the hell was going on. They'd just keep attacking like nothing happened (because to them, nothing did happen). They would just be happy in their hearts that the enemy was killing itself and the battle would continue. Secondly, why did the fighting stop before the actual quarrel occurred? They weren't even aware of the couple's fight, so why stop? And last, if I was the guy in the patrol bloat I'd blow the hell outta that shuttle.

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Ie amh thuh ilitterit rietur.
Kimi wa baka desu.

Ah, so it IS true! I'm quite pleased to have it confirmed. 🙂

Thanks, Jas, space!

Cheers,
Guapo

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"Quote it, paraphrase it, soak it in peanut oil and set it on fire. I don't mind in the least." - forge
Founding Member of WORRPBOITAMPSH
(url="http://"http://guapohq.jonpearse.net")GuapoHQ - for all your Guapo needs(/url)
(url="http://"http://insanekp.tripod.com")The Insane Klown Posse Website!!!(/url)

Yep, I had seen that on the History Channel a few years back. Interesting how that little almost meaningless bit of information could be used for the greater good. 🙂

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Ie amh thuh ilitterit rietur.
Kimi wa baka desu.

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Originally posted by Spaceiscold:
**Yep, I had seen that on the History Channel a few years back. Interesting how that little almost meaningless bit of information could be used for the greater good.:)

**

Meaningless? I think it's rather beautiful...

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Man have pity on man