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(Posted on 03-27-2001)
This is actually an English assignment that I did (A+, hooray!). It takes place in the EVO universe and a part of an addition plug. This plug is not yet released, though, and is not due for a while.
Endings
Their shuttle touched down quietly amid the lush foliage of Xeck. The man stepped out and tested the ground for firmness, then he nodded and returned to the ship. Momentarily the man reappeared accompanied by the attractive young woman. They carried an ancient water craft out and set it on the ground. Both froze as a patrolling gunboat passed overhead, but it didnt see them or their ship nestled among the trees.
Safe...for now.
The man retrieved an armful of equipment from the ship. They loaded the water craft and pushed it toward a nearby body of water. At the bank of the river, they stopped and gaped in awe at the beauty of a perfectly clear stream. The man thought back to earth where he had been born. He hadnt seen such a perfect sight since he was a child.
In a moment he resumed his look of authority as he remembered he was on an important mission and there was no time to reminisce. Sliding the canoe into the river, they leapt in and began to set up the equipment. They were careful to be quiet, as there were patrols everywhere on this world. Their small craft slid smoothly through the water, and every aspect of the scene seemed to contribute to its serenity.
Suddenly they snapped alert to a tone emitted by one of their sensors. They had been found. In a few moments a gunboat would arrive and destroy them. The two people just looked at each other, deep in thought, wondering what death would be like. Then, just as the roar of approaching engines could be heard, they both simultaneously emitted a single word: Goodbye.
THE END
(This message has been edited by moderator (edited 03-27-2001).)
Pretty nice, good in all its shortness. I like the drastic ending, although it is a bit cheesy. Whatever. Still fun to read.
--Why doesn't anyone post comments? If you post comments you give feedback to the author, telling him not only that people are reading their story, but what they could make better (if anything). Just reading a story and not saying anything at all is quite disrespectful, in my opinion. Oh well, it doesn't even matter.
PS (Smash the state)
------------------ DAMN THE MAN!
I like it. A bit short, but still good. Maybe you could make a pre-quel to this. Sort of explain the charecters more. I'd read it.
------------------ (url="http://"http://pub29.ezboard.com/b20")Don't click here.(/url) When you choke a smurf, what color does it turn? The Person who misspells "Voinian" knows not of the 50 gigaton nuke coming at their cranium. It's no fun to kill a sleeping enemy. Join the Emalgha in the (url="http://"http://uevorpg.com")uEVORPG.(/url)
Your story is nice in its purity. You don't waste space with things which aren't necessary to the plot, and you manage to quickly create a mood. I like it.
Paradigm
------------------
way too short
------------------ "Don't piss me off because my revenge is brutal. It won't come instantly, but when it does, it will be a deep emotional wound that never heals, for I am Dark Templar, Lord of Vengeance" Neo Ice of Neo World - 118:3:2 (EVA)(osX)(INFINITY) Send spam/hate mail to: (url="http://"mailto:briandabomb123@aol.com")mailto:briandabomb123@aol.com(/url)briandabomb123@aol.com