The Freeport bar (Renegades only)

(Jive looks one last look at the bar before leaving)
"I'm gona miss this bar while I'm gone. I like the green. It's nice to have some color on the walls :). By the way, I am not the wannabe guy. Our IP numbers are different. sniffsniff I'm gonna sniffsniff miss this place! Even if half of these guys are dead due to creatures bursting out of stomachs sniffsniff. I'M GONNA MISS YOU GUYS!!!!"
(Jive shoots little creature with ionizer as he walks out)
(Jive leaves in UE Cruiser)
"Don't trash the bar while I'm gone Oedipus, Jack, and Ed!!"

------------------
Feel the Jive
------------------
I'm not as think
as you stupid I am.

"If it weren't for my horse
I wouldn't have spent that year in college"
-Lewis Black
------------------

Jive and Oedipus Wannabe's IP numbers are very similar. But not the same.

{Jack walks into bar}
{"Got 5000 tons of brandy, what'll I do with it?"}
{"Take it around back"}
{"Give a shot of some regular brandy"}
{"Hey, you lied, if this is regular, why is a creature climbing my throat?"}
{"Blaargh"}
{"He's kind of cute though"}
{"Or is it a she"}
{"It seems to be a critter+"}
{"Nice pet"}
{"I name it..."}

Does anyone have a name for the critter?

------------------
"Happiness is a warm gun"-John Lennon

I am a proud member of Dogbert's New Ruling Class

You don't blow it up, you just, how shall I put it,
"Let the smoke out"-Jack

Jive 320!

------------------
Lunar 2
One is back, new and
improved

You never said i couldn't trash the bar, hehehe.
(Breck pulls out very large bomb)
"Hand over all the brandy or I blow this place up!"
(Breck collects all the bar's brandy)
(Breck chugs a few glasses of brandy)
"I'm just gonna set this off anyway"
(starts walking away in drunken stupor)
(sets bomb off)
(realizes that he accidentally disarmed instead of activated the bomb)

I wouldn't trash the bar, it's way too much fun.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Is this thing supposed to be on fire?"

------------------

Name the Critter!! I won't name it after any of you, no matter how much anybody wants to name it after Jive.

{Jack walks over to Breck}
{Kick "ow" Kick "ow"}
{"I wouldn't destroy you, it'd me too much fun"}
{"Now GIMME MY BRANDY!!!"}
{"Thanks"}
{"Smashes chair over Breck's head"}
{"Blue paint? where'd that come from?"}
{"anyway kid, welcome to the bar"}
{Jack gives Breck the customary Freeport Bar Welcome}
{More red paint}

------------------
"Happiness is a warm gun"-John Lennon

I am a proud member of Dogbert's New Ruling Class

You don't blow it up, you just, how shall I put it,
"Let the smoke out"-Jack

(Pike (really Jive 320) walks into the bar)
"Hello. I think you really should name it after Jive 320. It is such a cool name..."
(Pike pulls out pocket watch on chain)
(Pike swings it back and forth)
"You are getting sleepy, you want to name the critter Jive 320. When I snap my fingers you will awaken and when Jive 320 returns you will love and obey him..."
(Jack looks at Pike)
(Jack rips off Pike mask)
(Jive 320 stands in silence and walks away shamefully)

Hello all! I'm on vacation

Here's a sugggestion for the critter's name, name it Tribble. (from Star Trek, those little annoying fuzzballs that multiply really rapidly)

(Breck gets up and staggers around)
"Hey, where'd all my brandy go?"
(angry, Breck pulls out a blaster)
(since he's drunk, he shoots himself in the foot)
"Ouch"
(orders more brandy to help it 'heal')
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Is this things supposed to be on fire?"

------------------

I have decided to name the critter Gambit. Heres the deal.

{Stranger walks into bar}
{"Hey, Jive, Oedipus, Breck, I bet you $5,000,000 that the critter will eat the guy who just walked into the bar"}
{Thus a whole new gambling system is based on Gambit}

I know that Gambit was an X-Man, I just don't care.

Do you have a better name? Not Jive320.

------------------
"Happiness is a warm gun"-John Lennon

I am a proud member of Dogbert's New Ruling Class

You don't blow it up, you just, how shall I put it,
"Let the smoke out"-Jack

Good name, Gambit. It has a nice ring to it.

(Breck walks up to Jack)
"I'll take that bet. And 10 mil says the barkeep throws a bottle of '98 saalian brandy at Gambit for trying to eat a paying customer.
(Gambit starts to eat the stranger, but before he can finish gnawing his kneecaps off, the barkeep chucks a bottle of brandy at him. It misses, and Gambit finshes eating the stranger)
(Breck leans over, and tastes the brandy)
(frowns)
"It was '97. Here's your money"
(Breck walks off and shoots the barkeep for throwing the wrong brandy)
(the bar is now coated in red paint)
(reaches behind bar and pulls out brandy)
(gets very drunk)
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Is this thing supposed to be on fire?"

------------------

ALL REBELS MUST DIIIEIIEIEIEIEIEIEI !!!!!!

MUWHAHAHAHAHAHAH--

{Stops in midsentence}
{looks around at the figures and arrangements that are from another universe}
{very FLABERGAHSTED}

Is this a bar? If it is, give me some of your strongest brandy.

{everyone else is silent at the presence of this puzzling person}
{Rick is served a huge glass of Sallian brandy}
{Having no idea of what it is, he gulps it down as if it was water}
{slams the glass down-empty-his eyes a blank and white}
{blinks, and grabs the tender by the color}

WHAT WERE YOU THINKING OF SERVING ME SOMETHING LIKE THAT?!?!?!?!?!?

{falls backward off his chair, goes fast asleep}
{a renegade walks toward the sleeping stranger, about to shoot him}
{he awakes suddenly, pulls his blaster, shoots, and pops the head off the renegade}

DIE STUPID VARMANT! GIVE ME REST!!

{falls back asleep}
{Gambit is perplexed as well}
{patrons begin drinking and talking again}

(Oedipus looks at confed captain)
(a rebel lover, Oedipus gets pissed off)
(pulls out pulse rifle)
(the one thousand shots suddenly run out)
(this time the floor matches the walls)

CONFEDERATION WILL DIEEEEEEEE!!!!!

------------------
Life is evil, live with it

(Lunar 2 blinks at Confed Captain Rick Hardslad's remains.)
(laughs)
(Congratualtes Oedipus and buys him another round of brandy)

------------------
Lunar 2
One is back, new and
improved

Gambit it is.

{Gambit starts nibbling the charred remains of Rick Hardslab}
{"I guess it likes BBQ"}
{Oedipus says, "2 bottles of vintage 2234 Saalian Brandy says that Gambit will go for the stomach instead of the heart on the next customer"}
{"and you know that 2234 was a good year"}
{Jack says, "I'll take that bet"}
{Man walks in}
{"Give me a shot of your fineeeoooo ****"}
{"The groin, ouch"}
{"wait,... wait,... there he goes, its the,... its the,... its the stomach!"}
{Jack says, "I'm off to Saalia to get some vintage 2234, any special requests?"}

------------------
"Happiness is a warm gun"-John Lennon

I am a proud member of Dogbert's New Ruling Class

You don't blow it up, you just, how shall I put it,
"Let the smoke out"-Jack

AHHHHHH!!! I'M DECAPITATED!!! SOMEONE HELP ME!!!

{somehow his head is still alive}
{The now bodieless Rick uses his tongue to manuever his head over to his blaster a foot away}
{gets the blaster in his mouth, and pulls the trigger with his tongue}

ALLYESTINKINREBELVARMINTSDIE!!!!!

{Bar is sprayed with blaster bolts}
{Odeipus and Pike are hit}
{Gambit notices the revived head of Confed Capt Rick Hardslab}
{Grabs Rick's head by the hair and shakes him furiously}

LET GO OF ME YA STUPID GREEN DOG THING!!!!

{Keeps firing}
{Blaster fire is everywhere}

(Breck walks over to Rick Hardslad)
"Don't you know it's rude to walk kill patrons in a bar without ordering?"
(smashes Rick's head over and over again with a bottle of brandy)
"And now it's time for Gambit to get some exercise."
(walks outside)
(throws head a very long distance into a cement wall)
"Fetch Gambit!"
(Gambit brings back even more bloody head of Rick)
(Breck shoves grenade into Rick's mouth)
"Enjoy"
(walks inside)

------------------

(Oedipus is pissed off at Rick for messing up his cloak)
(pulls out hand held nuetron rifle, completely disintegrates Hardslabs head)
"I hate people with stupid names that like Confeds"

------------------
Life is evil, live with it

I HEARD THAT!!!!

{Stud runs at full speed at Odeipus}
{Tackles off his chair at full force}

ALL PUNY REBELS WILL DIE!!!! AAAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!

{Pike joins in and tries to get a handle on Captain Beefpile}
{Gambit tries to bite the next customers foot as he walks in}
{a full scale brawl is underway}

YOU STUPID CONFEDS NO NOTHING ABOUT WAR!!!
{Odeipus says}

THEN WHY ARE WE WINNING!!!?!?!
{Stud says}
{Beefpile is just about to shoot Odeipus when Pike tackles Beefpile}
{Gambit is still chewing away at the new customer}
{A stray shot from Jive 320 aimed at Beefpile hits the bartender instead}
{Tender's head explodes from the shot}

oops, I have got to get that sight realigned!

{Red paint}
{Blue paint}
{Yellow paint}
{Grey paint}
{Purple paint}

{The bar is in chaos}

yeah, most of the paint is from Beefpile, the other part is various confed Lovers
(suddenly the whole bar just stops)
(all are staring at Oedipus who is bristling with 20 various rifles and pistols)
"Now listen and listen good. I hate it when people pretend that im saying stuff, so, anyone does it again, they end up like Him"
(all weapons are pointed at Beefpile)
(all clips are suddenly empty for some reason)
(Stud becomes little more than a few measly atoms)

------------------
Life is evil, live with it

<blink blink>
<laugh>
<buys all rebel lovers in the bar a drink then jumps out into the vacuum thus killing himself>

(Oedipus looks out at happy monkey
(grumbling)"i hate spam"

------------------
"what is life but a prelude to death?"-me