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Puny humans. I suppose that Krait was your flagship? Well, no matter. It merely attacked a holographic projection of our supercruiser, the Borb Lives , wrapped around a particularly hard and lumpy asteroid, with which the fighter subsequently collided. The real ship was parsecs away, and is unharmed. Now (pulling a quadruple-barrelled shotgun from underneath my ceremonial robes)... let's all take a trip down to the detention centre, shall we?
And just when it seems that the Voinians have lost, out of nowhere a Zidigar appears- "Voinian Abmasador or whoever the captin of the big Borb Cruiser is, meet you're doom!"
"And just what are you going to do, puny Zidigar????"
And the Zidigar starts making a speech
After two years of listening to the Zidigar speech, which was broadcast to the Borb Cruiser, all the people(or aliens) within hearing range die of boredom. And the Voinians hid thier mighty cruiser so well that they couldn't find it and it was lost forever. Luckily, most of the rest of the bistanders were able to get some earplgus in time.
It seems that all is well, finally. Then, Renegade Jackie comes into one side of the bar. A few seconds later, Zatcha Jack comes into the other side. So much for a moment of peace...
------------------ "Don't worry - that red flashing light proably doesn't mean anything..." "Then why did the escape pod just launch?" "Oh s###!"
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM
The Adsgari, having just blown up Outpost Terapin, hi-jack another phase-beam, and hook it up to an enhanced shield generator. "This time we'll do it right. We think we know what we did wrong last time." In the bar, Zacha Jack, and Renegade Jackie, start running toward eachother. "Lets put aside our differences, and make the galaxy a better place" "Organized crime is much better than unorganized crime" Another romantic moment is about to happen when, the phase beam slices through the bar, dividing the space station between them. Everybody but them, has the sence to evacuate, and soon another Pax station is made. Adzgari Stunt Pilot Jack turns to Lathan and says, "Now its my turn"
------------------ You don't blow it up, you just, how shall I put it, "Let the smoke out"-Jack
I want a doughnut. A doughnut as doughnutty as a doughnut made of flour, water, one large egg, sugar, a pinch of yeast, cinnamon to taste, and jam or jelly filling, depending on preference. Its not a doughnut as something in any way metaphorical. Just a doughnut.
A transporter picks up everyone elso before the station blows. this time they go to a PLANET, so they can't blow it up.
Suddenly, a huge shadow looms over the planet. they recieve a transmission from the ship - the Borb Cruiser.
"It may have taken us awhile, but we managed to find it. Now YOU WILL ALL DIE!!!
"Not if I can help it!"
Everyone looks to see who would challenge the Borb Cruiser. It's the U.E.S. Inconvertible!
They both have a little insult war, and then get to it.
All of thier fighters kill each other. The Borb cruiser releases a volley of rockets. Five of them slam into the Inconvertible. But it only brings his shields to 95%. The Inconvertible empties his Hunter missles on the Borb cruiser. It lowers the shields, but not much more. Then they are at a stand-off just out of turrent range. They have used all of thier rockets, and buth have about 85% shields/armor. Looks like it will come down to a toe-to-toe dogfight. Everyone watches in awe as two of the most powerfull ships in the galaxy circle each other, cautiously waiting for the right oppertunity...
And the the Disco Bison jumps in and shreads both ships to pieces.
Alien jsuts sits back and watches all this chaos from his UE Cruiser, the I DARE YOU... occasionly blowing up a few vionion bastards while he sits there...
"Wow, that Disco fella really knows how to gut a vionion..." He says, not even noticing that the disco blasted one of his fellow UE...
"The Disco Bison LUVS disco music!!" And suddenly, I DARE YOU is filled with disco music blaring over transmissions....
"Oh good god..."
------------------ Very funny, now beam down my clothes. These ladies look rest-less..... uh-oh...
Meanwhile, on the station, the disco music is also blasting. The Zidagar begin composing lyrics, and, upon completion, begin singing while transmitting to the Disco Bison. The Disco Bison is so upset over the horrible lyrics, it immediately jumps out of the system. When the Voinians stop to mourn for the loss (again) of Borb, the Emalgha rip them to shreds with little wooden knifes. The Emalghans are then killed when an out-of-control adzgari in an Azdara flies past and runs them over. The Igadzra, deciding to get revenge on the Zidagar for actually LIKING disco, begin devising a plot to destroy them. The plot was to...
------------------
The Disco Bison sulks in deep space. "Nobody appreciates me....None of my kind are left....As far as I can tell the last Disco being was a fictional character, in an animated TV show. His name was Disco Stu. I will avenge my race!" Igadzra Secret Service Incorrigible, or for short ISS Incorrigible jumps into system, and beams a message to the Disco Bison. "Yes...Yes!...Ahahahahaha!!!!!....Ahahahahahaha!!!!!!"
...hook up purple river eels to a plasma siphon (making them full of plasma gas), charge them with a stolen Azdigari sheild generator (to electrify them to high levels), and then launch through a Miranu pursuit missile launcher.
They dubbed their creation: The Igadzra Electrified Purple Plasma River Eel Launcher.
At once they began construction on it, but the Council got suspicous and they inserted a spy as one of the river eels. Then the John Cook entered the system and was trying to kill all the Hinwar that were hiding in the caves nearby. But the Nadir jumps in and is trying to destroy the John Cook just because the John Cook destroyed captain Nadir's shuttlecraft ten years ago.
The Hinwar (and Emelgha, since they like each other) begin shooting at the John Cook from the planet because the Joh Cook attacked them earlier.
Suddenly, DoomKuff comes back to life again and starts blabbing about how he loves SPAM SPAM SPAM so much. And then, that Xenophobic Azdigari Warship hypers in trying to kill the Nadir, the John Cook, and all the people on the planet. A huge Space Battle is going on.
ANOTHER station is being set up by a bunch of Strandless and Miranu guys too...
The Plot was to force them to listen to the backstreet Boys :eek:.
Alien, having danced 15 different disco themes, turns and blasts Joseph..
"Damn, he was always babbling!!!"
And he goes back to his dancing...
No ending the story now.....
In another Pax station.
The trench warfare between the Emalghia and the Voinians has increased due to added membership by the renegades, and humans. The renegades have sided with the Voinians, but are just saying that to get the Voinians in bed. The humans have set up artillery stations, and are pounding the living bejeezus out of anything that remotely looks Voinian. The Voinians have set up anti-artillery armor plating around their bunkers, and are sleeping the warfare off. The Strandless, unbeknownst to the Voinians, are steeling the metal from the armor, and are replacing it with tinfoil. The Miranu Trade Commission has caught the Strandless, and fined them severely, for violating the FreeSpace Trade Agreement, by having a monopoly over scrap metal. The Zidagar have put on a performance of their hit opera "Pax. Everyman's Dream" and the Adzgari are throwing overripe vegetables at the performers. The Igadzra and the Disco Bison are planning nefarious schemes, which they will enact over several millenia, and thats all for today's show folks.
Then all the aliens from the homeworlds are beginning to wonder what is going on. so the Vessals A.S.S. Hole, I.S.S. Paranoia, Z.S.S. Shakspear show up to see what's going on. then they land on the station to find...
At this point it's a three way war - the Strandless, Emaglaha, UE, Adzari
Aginst the Zidigar, Miran, And Independant worlds
Aginst the Voinians, Alien renegades, And Igzari.
And the Human Renegades were just going around shooting anything that moves. The Adzari seem a little jelous, but they keep fighting thier mini-war.
Then, the Captins of the three strand Vessals, Lothe Lan(representing the Human Renegades), Toxic Containment for the Alien renegades, The captin of the U.E.S. Earth, the former captin of the Borb Curiser (who used an escape pod), found what was going on here, and they....
But then the Power Rangers and PowerFuls girls starting beating the crap out of Pamela Anderson. So every goverment becomes allies and chases the Power Rangers and PowerPuff Girls. The Voinina catch the powerpuff girls and eat them for lucnh and everyone else is still chasing the pwoerrangers.
And then they...decided not to get involved and left. Meanwhile, the Rens had stopped fighting, but only so they could start stealing money from everyone. Once they had enough credits, all the rens flew to Saalia, bought all the brandy on the planet, and then killed each other in drunken rages. The Miranu, who had no money left, sued the Voinians, though only because all the rens were dead. However, the Voinians kidnapped a bunch of laywers and won the lawsuit, leaving the voinians with a bunch of extra lawyers. Being the evil people they are, they turned the lawyers lose on everyone else.
But then the Igazria started beating the crap out of the lawyers and threw the every laywer into a pit on and unhibatied unknown planet that I only know and made the watch old black reruns of Lerven and Sherly.
"Lawyers, powerthings, what next??" Alien ponders onboard his ship...
"Uhhhh, sir?? We've got something unusual on scanners..."
Alien looks over, and his segmented jaw drops..
"Oh dear sweet mother of kiwi..."
Because something horrible was closing in on Pax..... and it was-
and it was........an azdara with Oedipus broadcasting,"you guys all suck! this is a complete rip-off of the 'freeport bar', cease and desist this stupid banter!"
------------------ "what is life but a prelude to death?"-me
actually, I prefer
coughcoughrip-offcoughcough
actually i pefer
coughcoughSTFU!coughcough
But in a few rounds of fire the Azdagari ship is blown into peices...
"Idiot, we're not renegades, not that it matters, cause yer dead pal."
"Sir, that wasn't it!! It's still coming.." The man says, pointing at the scanner relay..
"I'm not going to look.." Alien says.. "Bring me my whiskey.."