@gremlin360, on Aug 21 2006, 12:19 PM, said in Need help with intro:
I like both of the intros you guys put out. I was thinking about putting JacaByte's as the final paragraph in the intro but I think it kinda repeats what chrono's intro says.
Below is what we have now. Also Jaca, I edited your intro a little bit.
As you walk away from the grasp of your family's arms, you say goodbye to them once more, knowing that this may be the last time you ever see them. You walk onto the loading ramp of your brand new Epsilon Class Heavy Shuttle, and then once more wave to your family before walking inside. As you power up of your ship's engines, you can't help but remember how your family was always there supporting you and always trying to give you the best life possible. You shed a tear, but quickly wipe it away knowing that now is not a time to mourn over the past, but a time to be thankful and to carve a future out of the empty void of space. As you pilot your ship out of the docking bay, careful not to scratch the new paint job, you wonder what the universe could possibly have in store for you.
You think about what you have just left behind, your friends, your family and why. Whether buying this shuttle and getting a captain's license was for good, bad, or something worse. What is out there to greet you in the great black void known as space, a great adventure, or being blown to dust by a stray shot in a battle between enemies?
I like how the last paragraph came out. But I think the last sentance should be changed to:
What is out there to greet you in the great black void known as space; a great adventure, or simply being blown to dust by a stray shot in a battle between enemies?
Note the semicolon next to "space" and "simply" being added in between "or" and "being".
@chronodrago, on Aug 21 2006, 12:24 PM, said in Need help with intro:
You got a point, but the only thing the pilot probably knows about outer space, is that its a great way to start a new life. Personally, I would think the pilot would be optimistic on his first flight into outer space, leaving his family, you know?
Optimistic? About leaving his/her family and friends behind? Nay, I think he/she isn't exactly thrilled with that idea and that going into space is more like a job rather than a hobby.
This post has been edited by JacaByte : 21 August 2006 - 01:28 PM