Need help with intro

I'm working on a plugin that gives you a better start when you create a new pilot. However, the intro I created is a little short and I feel that there is a lack of creativity in it.

My Intro:
You say goodbye to your family once more knowing that this could be the last time you'll ever see them and head towards your Epsilon Class Heavy Shuttle. You power up of your ships engines and head out into the void of space wondering what the galaxy has in store for you.

If someone could help me write a better intro than this, I'll give you full credit and put you in the game with the ship of your choosing and put you in the systems you want to appear in.

Lol, thats quite a big offer. Anyways, heres my intro.

As you walk away from the grasp of your family's arms, you say goodbye to them once more, knowing that this may be the last time you ever see them. You walk onto the loading ramp of your brand new Epsilon Class Heavy Shuttle, and then once more wave to your family before walking inside. As you power up of your ship's engines, you can't help but remember how your family was always there supporting you and always trying to give you the best life possible. You shed a tear, but quickly wipe it away knowing that now is not a time to mourn over the past, but a time to be thankful and to carve a future out of the empty void of space. As you pilot your ship out of the docking bay, careful not to scratch the new paint job, you wonder what the universe could possibly have in store for you.

Hows that? I wasn't sure when this intro would occure, so I decided against putting "your beloved <PSN>" in there, but then again, it wouldn't matter.

This post has been edited by chronodrago : 21 August 2006 - 12:49 PM

I love that intro chrono.

I got this idea from the Char PirateRaider plugin. As soon as you got past the 3 intro pictures, a window pops up saying you got a letter from your father and tells you some things. I want this intro to replace the original EVN one because it would contradict certain things with certain plugins.

Like for instance, the intro said the Sol hypergate was destroyed, yet I have a plugin that puts a hypergate in the Sol system.

@gremlin360, on Aug 21 2006, 10:55 AM, said in Need help with intro:

I love that intro chrono.

I got this idea from the Char PirateRaider plugin. As soon as you got past the 3 intro pictures, a window pops up saying you got a letter from your father and tells you some things. I want this intro to replace the original EVN one because it would contradict certain things with certain plugins.

Like for instance, the intro said the Sol hypergate was destroyed, yet I have a plugin that puts a hypergate in the Sol system.

Thank you, you were saying the original one...meaning the 3 picture screens or the poop-up box? And besides, if the sol hypergate was fixed, then you could just do the same thing the pirateraier plugin did. Just have it say, "And after years of rebuilding, the Sol hyperfgate was finally fixed and now plays a essential part in any type of buisness...." Yada yada yada, sort of like that. 😄

To add on to what Chronodrago said:

As you leave the spaceport, you think about what you have just left behind. Your friends, your family. You begin to wonder what you have left behind and why. Whether buying this shuttle and getting a captain's license was for good or bad, or something worse. And what is out to greet you in the great black void known as space. A great adventure, or being blown to dust by a band of pirates or a stray shot from a battle between civilizations.

This post has been edited by JacaByte : 21 August 2006 - 01:20 PM

@jacabyte, on Aug 21 2006, 11:01 AM, said in Need help with intro:

To add on to what Chronodrago said:

You think about what you have just left behind. Your friends, your family. You begin to wonder what you have left behind and why. Whether buying this shuttle and getting a captain's license was for good or bad, or something worse. And what is out to greet you in the great black void known as space. A great adventure, or being blown to dust by a band of pirates or a stray shot in a battle between civilizations.

Sounds good, except I doubt the pilot would be think aobut being blown to dust write when hes flying out of the spacedock for the first time. If it was the middle of the game, maybe, but when he first leaves? It just seems like the pilot is so pessimistic that he'll probably kill himself later on just becuase hes scared of a pirate raid. 😄

I don't know, life's tough being in a shuttle...

Perhaps after that it should say: "You think to yourself: 'I should go make some money and buy a bigger ship.' As you're thinking of the ways you could make money a pirate comes flying out of nowhere and blows you to pieces.

The End."

This post has been edited by JacaByte : 21 August 2006 - 01:09 PM

I like both of the intros you guys put out. I was thinking about putting JacaByte's as the final paragraph in the intro but I think it kinda repeats what chrono's intro says.

Below is what we have now. Also Jaca, I edited your intro a little bit.

As you walk away from the grasp of your family's arms, you say goodbye to them once more, knowing that this may be the last time you ever see them. You walk onto the loading ramp of your brand new Epsilon Class Heavy Shuttle, and then once more wave to your family before walking inside. As you power up of your ship's engines, you can't help but remember how your family was always there supporting you and always trying to give you the best life possible. You shed a tear, but quickly wipe it away knowing that now is not a time to mourn over the past, but a time to be thankful and to carve a future out of the empty void of space. As you pilot your ship out of the docking bay, careful not to scratch the new paint job, you wonder what the universe could possibly have in store for you.

You think about what you have just left behind, your friends, your family and why. Whether buying this shuttle and getting a captain's license was for good, bad, or something worse. What is out there to greet you in the great black void known as space, a great adventure, or being blown to dust by a stray shot in a battle between enemies?

You got a point, but the only thing the pilot probably knows about outer space, is that its a great way to start a new life. Personally, I would think the pilot would be optimistic on his first flight into outer space, leaving his family, you know?

Soudsn good gremlin. Although some of the ideas are repeated, you might need to cut some off and paste em together. Like the end of my intro is added to the end of Jaca's. That way it doesn't seem like two different ideas happening at once.

This post has been edited by chronodrago : 21 August 2006 - 01:26 PM

@gremlin360, on Aug 21 2006, 12:19 PM, said in Need help with intro:

I like both of the intros you guys put out. I was thinking about putting JacaByte's as the final paragraph in the intro but I think it kinda repeats what chrono's intro says.

Below is what we have now. Also Jaca, I edited your intro a little bit.

As you walk away from the grasp of your family's arms, you say goodbye to them once more, knowing that this may be the last time you ever see them. You walk onto the loading ramp of your brand new Epsilon Class Heavy Shuttle, and then once more wave to your family before walking inside. As you power up of your ship's engines, you can't help but remember how your family was always there supporting you and always trying to give you the best life possible. You shed a tear, but quickly wipe it away knowing that now is not a time to mourn over the past, but a time to be thankful and to carve a future out of the empty void of space. As you pilot your ship out of the docking bay, careful not to scratch the new paint job, you wonder what the universe could possibly have in store for you.

You think about what you have just left behind, your friends, your family and why. Whether buying this shuttle and getting a captain's license was for good, bad, or something worse. What is out there to greet you in the great black void known as space, a great adventure, or being blown to dust by a stray shot in a battle between enemies?

I like how the last paragraph came out. But I think the last sentance should be changed to:

What is out there to greet you in the great black void known as space; a great adventure, or simply being blown to dust by a stray shot in a battle between enemies?

Note the semicolon next to "space" and "simply" being added in between "or" and "being".

@chronodrago, on Aug 21 2006, 12:24 PM, said in Need help with intro:

You got a point, but the only thing the pilot probably knows about outer space, is that its a great way to start a new life. Personally, I would think the pilot would be optimistic on his first flight into outer space, leaving his family, you know?

Optimistic? About leaving his/her family and friends behind? Nay, I think he/she isn't exactly thrilled with that idea and that going into space is more like a job rather than a hobby.

This post has been edited by JacaByte : 21 August 2006 - 01:28 PM

Well would you rather be pessimistic on your first flight, and think to yourself: "Just watch, as soon as I round this corner, I'll get blown to peices by pirates."
Or would the pilot be optoimistic saying: "Well, that was S-K-I-L-L. I didn't even get my paint scratched on taking off!" :laugh:

If there are any spelling mistakes, Im sry, my hands are numb... <_<

This post has been edited by chronodrago : 21 August 2006 - 01:34 PM

Ok guys, I did a little bit more editing on both intros and here's how they turn out. Also Jaca, instead of having a semi-colon next to space, what about a regular colon?

As you walk away from the grasp of your family's arms, you say goodbye to them once more, knowing that this may be the last time you ever see them. You walk onto the loading ramp of your brand new Epsilon Class Heavy Shuttle, and then once more wave to your family before walking inside. As you power up your ship's engines, you can't help but remember how your family was always there, supporting you and always trying to give you the best life possible. You shed a tear, but quickly wipe it away knowing that now is not a time to mourn over the past, but a time to be thankful and to carve a future out of the empty void of space.

You think about what you have just left behind, your friends, your family and why. Buying this shuttle and getting a captain's license could be for good, bad, or something worse. What is out there to greet you in the great black void known as space: a great adventure, or simply being blown to dust by a stray shot in a battle between enemies?

@gremlin360, on Aug 21 2006, 11:36 AM, said in Need help with intro:

Ok guys, I did a little bit more editing on both intros and here's how they turn out. Also Jaca, instead of having a semi-colon next to space, what about a regular colon?

As you walk away from the grasp of your family's arms, you say goodbye to them once more, knowing that this may be the last time you ever see them. You walk onto the loading ramp of your brand new Epsilon Class Heavy Shuttle, and then once more wave to your family before walking inside. As you power up your ship's engines, you can't help but remember how your family was always there, supporting you and always trying to give you the best life possible. You shed a tear, but quickly wipe it away knowing that now is not a time to mourn over the past, but a time to be thankful and to carve a future out of the empty void of space.

You think about what you have just left behind, your friends, your family and why. Buying this shuttle and getting a captain's license could be for good, bad, or something worse. What is out there to greet you in the great black void known as space: a great adventure, or simply being blown to dust by a stray shot in a battle between enemies?

Sounds good, but I think you should have the part where he says "careful not to scratch the enw paintjob" becuase the pilot just payed hard money for the ship, and it sounds sort of funny and something a person would do. When you buy a car, you always are trying to make sure it doesn't get scratched, right? So, it sort of should be the same with a ship. But everythign else sounds good. 🙂

I can probably still add that in. 😉

So...what do you think of the new intro? 🙂

This post has been edited by chronodrago : 21 August 2006 - 01:46 PM

Ok, here's the last part of the intro. It's the only place where I could put the paint job line.

You think about what you have just left behind, your friends, your family, and why. You begin wonder if becoming the captain of this shuttle could be for better or worse. As you pilot your ship out of the docking bay, being careful not to scratch the new paint job, you wonder what is out there to greet you in the great black void known as space: a great adventure, or simply being blown to dust by a stray shot in a battle between enemies?

Sounds awesome! 🆒

Now it's time for me to hold up my end of the bargain. Since both of you guys helped me, I'm going to put you both in the game. I need to know what ship you guys want to be in and what systems you want to appear in.

This post has been edited by Gremlin360 : 21 August 2006 - 02:09 PM

This is what I would like...since you put it that way. 😛 If you could make the gov't of my pers to hate the feds, that would be perfect. 😄

Name: Chronodrago
Ship: Pheonix (Ship ID 290)
Subtitle: Try me!
System: Sol (RID 130)
Government: Plugin Makers?
AI: Interceptor
Aggression: Close
Cowardice: 0
Credits: 100000
Shield Mod: 32767
Hail Pic: Posted Image
Com Quote: Good day, <PNN>.
Hail Quote: Go ahead, push my button...Just see what becomes of you.
Linked Mission: None
Active On: Blank
Grant Outfit: None
Weap 1: 2 Polaron Cannons
Weap 2: 2 Hellound Missle Launchers: 30 Ammo
Weap 3: 4 Light Cannons
Weap 4: 1 TripHammer

Uses Escape Pod and has an Afterburner.

This post has been edited by chronodrago : 21 August 2006 - 02:57 PM

Okay. I like how everything turned out! 🙂 Now for the pers resource:

Name: JacaByte
Ship: Class E Starbridge
Subtitle: Plugin Designer
Government: Plugin Makers?
AI: Warship
Aggression: Close
Cowardice: 0
Credits: 3 million
Shield Mod: 134
Hail Pic: None
Com Quote: Hello! How has your day been?
Hail Quote: Good I will guess. Mine has been good too!
Linked Mission: None
Active On: Blank
Grant Outfit: None
Weap 1: 6 Fusion Pulse Cannons
Weap 2: 2 Hellound Missle Launchers: 100 Ammo
Weap 3: 3 Quad Light Blaster Turrets
Weap 4: 4 Radar Missle Launchers: 250 Ammo

Uses Escape Pod and has an Afterburner.

Only show Hail Quote once.

Now, could you make me always attack Pirates and Marauders? And I think you will need a new govt resource or two. 🙂

This post has been edited by JacaByte : 21 August 2006 - 02:46 PM

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